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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



MEMOIR 



CHARLES HENRY PQEfER, 

A STUDENT IN THEOLOGY. 

BY E: GOODRICH SMITH. 
if 



"Eight years before I can become a minister ! But I thank the Lord I 
can do something for him in that time."— Page 14. 






PUBLISHED BY THE 

AMERICAN TRACT SOCIETY 

^-^ 150 NASSAU-STREET, NEW YOJTK. 



-^ ">u HASSAU-STREET, NEW YOIfK. "''.S7s? s 










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Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1849, by O. R. Kings- 
bury, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the 
Southern District of New York. 

Right of publishing transferred to the American Tract Society. 






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CONTENTS. 



! 



CHAPTER I. 

EARLY LIFE TILL COMMENCING STUDY. 

Early years — Conversion — Desire to become a minister — 
Course of life while in business — Sabbath-school labors — 
Difficulties in his way to the ministry — His own record of 
his exercises — Days of fasting and prayer — His decision — 
Various trials — Growth in grace — Humility — Struggles 
against spiritual pride — Fair prospects abandoned, . 7 

CHAPTER H. 

PREPARATION FOR COLLEGKE. 

Visit at Norwich — Christian activity — Return to New York — 
Views of the ministry — Prayer and study — Tenderness of 
conscience — Sabbath labors — Instances of faithfulness and 
humility — Aspirations after holiness — Leaves New York 
for Westfield, 22 

CHAPTER III. 

STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 

Resolution — Prayer answered — Christian labors — A medita- 
tion on God's works — Joy in the Lord — Watching for 



4 CONTENTS. 

souls — Zeal for Christ — Christian humility — Anxiety for 
friends — Home missions — Kindness to the afflicted — Yisits 
to Norwich and Springfield — Meekness under reproof — 
Transition to college life, 32 

CHAPTER IV. 

FIRST TWO YEARS IN COLLEGE. 

College life — Sabbath-school instruction — Perseverance in 
prayer — Missionary spirit — Thoughts on spring showers — 
Spring vacation — Letter to his father — Birthday thoughts 
— Second year in college — Purpose to become a mis- 
sionary — Delight in God's word, and in prayer — Worldly 
honors — Revival in New Haven — Annual fast for col- 
leges, 46 

CHAPTER V. 

EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 

Pecuniary embarrassments — Advantages of poverty — Letter 

to his friend Mr. D of N. Y. — Devotional records — 

Efforts to do good — Another letter to Mr. D. — -Religious 
labors in Terrysville — A shower of divine grace — Interest- 
ing particulars — Rules of action — Letter to his mother — 
Love for souls, 60 

CHAPTER VI. 

JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 

Desire to be laboring for Christ — Interest in Canada missions 
— A Christian must not be discouraged — Christian efforts 
and study — Day of prayer for colleges — Visit to West- 
ville — Resolution — Labors at Hnmphreysville — At Terrys- 



CONTENTS. 5 

ville — At Norwich — Summer term at college — Interest in 
the Sabbath-school — Labors of love — Is chosen a leader in 
the college church — Trial of faith— Meditation on death — 
Excursion for health — Letter to a friend — Preparation for 
the coming year — Labors at Willimantic, .... 78 

CHAPTER VII. 

SENIOR YEAH IN COLLEGE. 

Joy in God — Christ's kingdom endless — Self-renunciation — 
Letter to his sister — Desire to become a missionary — Letter 
to his friend in New York — Letter from Northfield in the 
winter vacation — Efforts at West Haven — A fellow-stu- 
dent drowned — Revival in College — His deep interest in the 
work of grace — Visit to Terrysville — Vacation at West- 
field — Letter to his mother — Revival at Westfield — His 
dealing with sinners — Prayers for unconverted friends — 
Vacation at Norwich and Bozrahville — Close of college 
course, 9'* 

CHAPTER VIII. 

VISIT TO CANADA— LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 

Missionary labors in Canada — Sabbath-keeping rewarded — 
Description of the field — Encouraging success — Instances of 
conversion — Enters the Seminary — Labors at North Haven 
— Letter of Rev. Leverett G-riggs — Labors at Wallingford — 
Letter to a sick friend — Yearnings for the work of the 
ministry — Letters to friends — Consolation to the afflicted — 
Labors in New Britain — Letters to his father — Growth in 
grace — Efforts in Hartford and New Haven — Letter to his 
mother — Proposes to go to Iowa — License to preach — 
Sense of Responsibility — Preaches in Terrysville — Relig- 
ious interest — Visit to Syracuse, 117 



5 CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER IX. 

THE CLOSING- SCENE. 

Returns to New York — Summoned to New Haven by the 
sickness of friends — Is taken sick himself— Particulars of 
his illness — Passes from an earthly to a heavenly Sabbath — 
Another account of his last days — Resignation — Concern 
for his relatives — Love to Christ — Visit of Rev. Mr. Lud- 
low — Peace in death — Obituary notice, 153 



MEMOIR 



CHARLES HENRY PORTER, 



CHAPTER I. 

MR. PORTER'S EARLY LIFE. 

The grace of God sometimes makes of a common 
man an uncommon Christian. Thus it was with the 
subject of this sketch. Charles Henry Porter was 
born at Norwich, Connecticut, August 8, 1811. He 
was not the child of pious parents, enjoyed no un- 
common early advantages, and nothing in his child- 
hood encouraged the hope that he would become 
either pious or useful in after-life. And yet God was 
pleased to call him into his kingdom, and to bless 
him with large measures of grace and usefulness. 
Though his Christian course was short, the Saviour 
made him the happy instrument of guiding many to 
his fold. 

He was a lad of energetic character, fond of active 
sports, but averse to books, and wholly heedless of 
religion. Though an elder brother was receiving a 
collegiate education, his own great dislike to study 



8 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

made him reject every proposal to become a student ; 
and he was permitted, at the age of fifteen, to enter 
into mercantile life, in the city of New York. Here 
he remained until November, 1828, when Providence 
thwarted his plans, and led him from the tempta- 
tions of the city back to his native place, where he 
was employed in a store. It was here the Holy Spirit 
met him, and by his renewing influences changed the 
current of his life. 

In August, 1829, a revival of unusual power began 
in Norwich, and soon spread into all the churches. 
A cousin of Mr. Porter, since deceased, was one of 
the earliest converts, and felt deeply interested for his 
spiritual welfare. She often made him the subject 
of prayer, and in her frequent visits to his father's 
family, improved every opportunity to warn him 
faithfully of his danger, and entreat him to think of 
the concerns of his soul. Her affectionate persuasion 
induced him to attend some of the evening meetings. 
His first serious thoughts on the subject of religion 
were in a Methodist meeting at Norwich Falls. 
Before this he had been so careless, that though he 
had sat in the house of God Sabbath after Sabbath 
all his life, he could not recollect ever to have been 
in the least degree alarmed respecting his spiritual 
state, or even to have had one serious thought. " In 
fact," said he, "I had few ideas on any subject, as I 
thought of little except sport and play." 



EARLY LIFR. \) 

We have no record of the particular form and 
progress of his convictions, but his alarm and dis- 
tress were evidently deep and pungent. These con- 
victions, strengthened by the sudden death of a 
brother hi September, continued till November, when 
he found peace. Listening to an impressive and 
faithful sermon by the Rev. Mr. Mitchell of Nor- 
wich, his sense of sin and of God's justice in pun- 
ishing it was so great that he trembled on his seat ; 
and while crossing the plain on his way home, he 
believed he gave his heart to God. Early the next 
morning he went to tell his cousin what God had 
done for him. From her account, his views of the 
character of God and the way of salvation by Christ 
were just and clear ; and his joy and peace in be- 
lieving, and his humble gratitude to his Saviour for 
his distinguishing mercy, unusually great. 

He at once took a decided stand on the side of 
Christ ; and even then it was his earnest wish to 
prepare for the ministry, and devote his life to preach- 
ing the gospel. In tin's, however, he encountered 
the opposition of friends, and for a time yielded to 
their objections — needing, perhaps, further discipline 
in the Christian life, to fit him for study in reference 
to the sacred office. So decided a change, from aver- 
sion to books to an immediate desire to study, and 
the forming of plans so contrary to all his former 
habits of life, afford striking proof of the powerful 



10 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

working of the Holy Spirit in his heart. " Old things 
had passed away ; all things had become new." 

Mr. Porter was alarmed by the fact that Chris- 
tians often decline in warm and lively piety, and 
grow cold in the love and service of their Saviour ; 
and he solemnly determined that, if it were possi- 
ble, he would always live near to God, and be de- 
voted to the service of Christ. As one of his friends 
remarks, he seemed from the first determined to be 
an uncommon Christian. 

He united with the church in Norwich on the 7th 
of March, 1830. Here he continued till August, 
when he went to Zanesville, Ohio ; but his plans not 
being successful, he returned early the next summer, 
and in the latter part of the season went once more 
to New York. He was successively employed in two 
or three mercantile houses, and having secured the 
approbation of those in whose service he was en- 
gaged, his worldly prospects became flattering. This 
was a most important period in his life. In that 
great mart of business there was much to allure the 
youthful Christian from duty. But upon the busy 
world with which he was associated — occupied too 
generally with toils and pleasures — he looked with 
the sympathies of a follower of Him who came to seek 
and save the lost. He engaged at once in Christian 
labors, especially in the Sabbath-school, where he im- 
mediately secured the love of both teachers and pupils. 



EARLY LIFE. H 

A fellow-teacher, after alluding to his faithfulness 
and the fitness of his counsels, remarks, " I called 
for him one Sabbath morning, to accompany me to 
church, a little before the time of public service. 
* Come,' said he, ' go up to my room.' I went, and 
having closed the door, he said, ' Now, let us jpray.' 
We knelt together, and he invoked God's blessing on 
us and the whole church of Christ, not forge tting 
those who were out of the ark of safety." " He was 
very faithful," says this teacher, "with our Sabbath- 
school children in our children's meetings, and al- 
ways spoke of the Sabbath-school as his home." 

Mr. D , another fellow-laborer, Ins warm friend 

and constant benefactor, after mentioning his punc- 
tual attendance at the school and the prayer-meet- 
ings, on the Sabbath and during the week, adds, 
" In all Sunday-school labors, Charles was untiring, 
affectionate, interested, and prayerful. His pleadings 
with the impenitent were characterized by the ut- 
most kindness and affection. They loved him for 
his faithfulness to their souls. He had their confi- 
dence. He would sit down by an impenitent youth, 
and gain a nearer access to his heart than any teacher 
in the school, or any person I ever knew. Often did 
he bring tears into the eyes of members of my class, 
as he would seize on the moment when they were 
disengaged, to talk with them of Christ and the value 
of the soul." 



12 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

This training in Sabbath-school instruction and 
active exertion for the souls of men, was a good 
preparation for the higher sphere to which he was 
still looking. A life of business in a great city al- 
ways has its temptations, and the more one can break 
away from these bonds and engage in doing good, the 
more may he hope to preserve his soul unspotted 
from the world, and fasten his heart on G-od. 

Mr. Porter's prospects for business were fair ; but, 
urged by his desire to devote himself to the ministry, 
he resolved to leave these scenes of commercial life, 
and engage in studies preparatory for college. " To 
preach the gospel was the first expressed wish of his 
heart after his conversion. That it should ever be 
gratified was the most unlikely thing that could be 
imagined. His aversion to study, his constitutional 
activity unfitting him for sedentary habits, and the un- 
reflecting character of his mind, were all unfavorable. 
And it was not till after a struggle of three years, that 
he decided to gratify this first desire of his heart." 

He had other difficulties also to contend with. 
How was he to obtain a support ? He could expect 
no miracle to supply his wants. His family were 
unable to aid him, and he knew not whence the 
required means might come. The Lord led him on ; 
his kind providence removed the difficulties, sup- 
plied his necessities, and blessed his efforts. To him 
be all the glory. 



EARLY LIFE. 13 

But we turn now to his own account of the matter 
in his diary, by which we shall hereafter be guided 
in tracing his course as a Christian, a student, and a 
minister of Christ. These extracts should be read 
as the writings of a simple-hearted child of God, 
penned without care — a sort of memoranda only, not 
designed for the eye of others — to refresh his own 
mind and invigorate his feelings after the toils of the 
day. Faintly traced, as some of them are by the 
pencil, nearly effaced, as they have been in some 
places by the fallen tear, they are yet indelible in 
the influence they have exerted on his heart and 
life. God grant they may be so for good to many 
who read them in these pages. Mr. Porter thus 
commences his diary : 

" The subject of studying for the ministry having 
had deep hold of my feelings for days, and I may 
say for weeks, and having prayed and mourned and 
wept over it to learn my duty, I finally concluded to 
set apart this 27th day of May, 1833, as one of fast- 
ing, humiliation, and prayer, to implore the divine 
direction and assistance." 

He then speaks of his disappointment in the early 
part of the day, in not having found as much enjoy- 
ment as he expected, and laments the deep depravity 
of his heart. But in the evening he says, 

*t The Lord has heard my cry, and helped me 
abundantly. I think I can see pretty clearly my 



14 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

duty to become a minister of Christ. There are 
many difficulties to encounter, but may the Lord 
give me grace to overcome them all. Feel a little 
fearful lest I may have formed my opinion too hastily, 
or from some other motive than the glory of God. 

for grace to assist me in this mighty work. Eight 
years before I can become a minister ! But I thank 
the Lord that I can do something for him in that 
time." 

"May 28. — Instead of feeling sorry that I have 
made up my mind to study for the ministry, I am 
glad. let me not suffer my thoughts to turn back ; 
for if my eyes turn from the Sun of righteousness, all 
becomes dark, and the duty which lies before me 
looks as if it could never be accomplished ; but when 

1 look to Christ it is all bright and glorious." 

"May 30. — Have had a most refreshing season. 
It seems as if Christ was more precious to me than 
ever. I felt great brokenness of heart, and wept ; 
never had such a thirst for the ministry : it seems as 
if I could not be denied. Lord, open the way, if it 
is thy will ; give me strength, humility, and perse- 
verance to accomplish the object." 

The same earnest desire is frequently mentioned 
in the days immediately following ; and above all, he 
prayed that God would give him a very humble 
opinion of himself, and bring him nearer to the feet of 
his Redeemer. 



EARLY LIFE. 15 

We next find him inquiring for some place where 
he might commence his studies. In relation to this 
question, he remarks, " Finally, cast all my cares on 
God, and he heard my cry and sent peace into my 
soul, so that I was enabled to leave all with him. 
I felt sweetly resigned to his will — to go anywhere, 
or do any thing, that his name might be glorified — 
desired to have no will but his." 

His parents had arrived in New York, but know- 
ing that their views did not agree with his, he did 
not mention to them his intention of studying for the 
ministry, "fearing that it would spoil their visit." 
This expression evinces a truly delicate regard to the 
feelings of others. But it was a severe trial of his 
own feelings, not to be able to open his heart to a 
beloved father and mother. Could he have poured 
out the warm promptings of his soul into their bo- 
soms, and found a kindred feeling there, he would no 
doubt have pressed on his way with a lighter step, 
and felt the path before him to be comparatively 
easy. 

An incident mentioned in his record of June 8th — 
another day devoted to fasting and prayer with ref- 
erence to the object that lay so near his heart — 
exhibits the manner in which he sought to turn even 
the most trivial matters to the increase of his own 
spirituality. He says, " Saw some delicacies on the 
table, but rejoiced to let them alone and crucify the 



16 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

flesh, that I might have more of the spirit of Christ ; 
found it very useful, and enjoyed an unusual degree 
of spiritual life." 

" June 9. — Met a friend who is now studying for 
the ministry : told him of my intention. He said, 
'Count the cost.' I told him I trusted I had ; and 
he replied, ' Count it over again.' My heart replied, 
* Yes, willingly will I count it over again.' The sac- 
rifices I am obliged to make, and the difficulties I 
encounter, will only tend, I trust, to my growth in 
grace, and bring me out as gold that has been tried 
in the fire." 

One of his great trials, as we have seen, was how 
to meet the expense of his education. He cast him- 
self on the Lord, and was not disappointed. Thus 
he mentions, the next day, that God had " opened a 
way ' ' to have his tuition ■ ' gratuitous . ' ' He expresses 
some fears with regard to his health, but again com- 
mits all to his heavenly Father. He also mentions 
the fact that he " could not study," and remarks, 
" "When I look at what must be done before I can 
preach, it makes me shudder." The same day, on 
beginning his Latin grammar, he writes, " Began, 
before opening the book for study, by asking God to 
assist me in the arduous work." 

Another difficulty arose from his debts. These, 
though small, he would have no means of paying 
after leaving business. On this subject he writes, 



EARLY LIFE. 17 

" June 12. — The Lord has done wonders for me 
to-day. The way seems to open as I advance. My 

clear brother T says he will see that my board 

is provided for, and my debts taken care of; and my 
employer says he will relinquish all claim to my 
staying with him : so it seems as if there was noth- 
ing to do but to go forward, trusting in the Lord 
for health and strength, grace and perseverance." 

He also says, "After our clerks learned my inten- 
tion of studying for the ministry, they thought I 
missed it very much : it was a great pity that after 
five or six years' preparation for business, I should 
break off. But so much the more reason have I to 
be thankful to God for opening the way. Most of 
the young men who are engaged in business, aro 
unwilling to give it up and labor for the Lord ; there- 
fore the work needs every one whom God has in- 
clined to serve him." 

Speaking of a public occasion on which crowds 
were gathered in Broadway, he adds, " Felt as if I 
was spending the Lord's time unprofitably, and re- 
tired for prayer. Let the world with all its pleasures 
pass onward, but give me Christ." 

Mr. Porter's diary everywhere indicates a con- 
scientious purpose to " grow in grace." His exer- 
cises in the closet were frequent, and he notices "the 
comfort," "sweet communion with Christ," "rich 
blessings," "the preciousness of the Saviour" he 



18 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

experienced, as evidences to him of his closer walk 
with God. " Seemed," he says on one occasion, " as 
if I was not to be a great while on this earth, for 
my soul took flight, as it were, into higher regions. 
Language cannot express the happiness I have ex- 
perienced this day, although it seems as if Satan had 
been at work with me almost continually." Again, 

"June 17. — The Lord has blessed me wonder- 
fully. Fearing that my happiness would be mixed 
with animal feeling, instead of being true love to 
Christ, I besought him to search me and try me, 
and lead me in the way everlasting." 

Notices like these evince that he was gaining 
greater knowledge of his own heart, and furnish 
proof of his conscientiousness as well as of his sound 
judgment. The same day he says again, " To-day 
have had a cross to take up ; felt that I had a prej- 
udice against a disciple of Jesus ; but went and 
acknowledged my sin to him and to God, and asked 
and found forgiveness." 

The next few days were days of trial and conflict. 
He made known to his parents his design of studying 
for the ministry. As he had anticipated, his father 
did not approve of it, and thought he had better 
attend to his worldly business. It was a severe trial 
to Mr. Porter to act contrary to his father's wishes, 
but he felt it to be his duty to do so. It will be 
recollected that he was of age, acting for himself, 



EARLY LIFE. 19 

and dependent on his own exertions ; and he believed 
he had a right to the choice of his employment or 
profession. He was also exposed to hard conflicts 
from the ridicule and contempt with which some 
viewed his determination. Yet he resolved to go 
forward, counting it a privilege to suffer reproach for 
the name of Christ. 

Spiritual pride also occasioned Mr. Porter many a 
severe struggle. On this subject we find the follow- 
ing record. " Although I felt afraid that fasting 
would injure my health, I could not help appointing 
one day this week, to pray especially that God would 
make me humble, and break down this accursed I, 
I, I. It seems as if it would ruin me. for grace 
sufficient for my day." 

But though the burden of these various trials 
pressed heavily on him, yet he was not without com- 
fort ; and in view of his situation he says again, " I 
rejoice to be dependent on others for my support, as 
it leads me to see that I am to live day by day de- 
pendent on God, and like the children of Israel in 
the wilderness, eat the manna that is furnished to- 
day, and trust in God for to-morrow." 

He could not avoid observing the contrast between 
his situation and that of some with whom he had 
been associated. He thus says, June 25, in view of 
the fact that one of his fellow-clerks was to be a 
partner of the house, " Would I be willing to change 



20 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

situations with him ? By no means. Jesus is sweeter 
to me than any earthly being ; his riches are far 
superior to any earthly riches ; his business to any 
earthly business ; his joys to any earthly joys ; his 
dying tokens which he has left us, to any thing we 
can find here ; his treasure in heaven for all that 
love him, to any treasure we can lay up on earth. 
My fellow-clerk will undoubtedly possess riches — 
earthly I mean, God grant heavenly also — ease, and 
comfort. I am to be poor and dependent on others, 
go through a course of eight years' laborious study, 
and then, should my life be spared, I shall probably 
be poor all the remainder of my pilgrimage on earth, 
and find life filled up with trials. Do I envy him ? 
no. May he be thankful that God has abundantly 
blessed him. I am and shall be about my Master's 
business — this is comfort. I have tasted both the 
world and Christ, and find Christ to be far better. 
Oh I long to be swallowed up in him— to feel him 
to be my all in all. Sweet, glorious, holy, hap- 
py Saviour, now seated at the right hand of God, 
thee I love, thee I adore. Give me thy presence, 
and all other sources of happiness are to me as 
nothing." 

Mr. Porter now closed his engagement as mer- 
chant's clerk, and in recording the fact mentions that 
God inclined his employer to give him in a month's 
wages. He says that he "had a singular feeling" 



EARLY LIFE. 21 

when his situation "was about to be given to another 
person, but not the least desire to retain it." 

After a careful examination he fixed on seven 
hours for sleep, and "resolved on fast-days" which 
he frequently observed. " I will take just food 
enough," he says, " to keep my body in such a state 
that my spiritual life shall not suffer, and that I may 
not appear to men to fast, but to my Father which 
is in heaven. The rest of my time must be fully 
taken up in devotional reading, studying, or some- 
thing for the honor of Christ." 

Such was the spirit with which he left New York 
on a short visit to his parents, at the home of his 
childhood. 



22 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

CHAPTER II. 

PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 

At Norwich we find Mr. Porter engaged in nu- 
merous labors of Christian love. He visited the 
poor, the sick, the afflicted, and the inmates of the 
prison, for religious conversation. He was regular 
in attending meeting, and often retired at night to 
the graveyard, or the open field, for meditation and 
prayer. Instead of losing his spirituality he resolved 
to live more to the glory of God, cultivating every 
day a spirit of piety, and renewing his dedication to 
his Master daily and for life. 

Home was very dear to him. His greatest study 
seems ever to have been how he might best promote 
the spiritual interests of those whom he there so 
much loved. Many were the conflicts he had to 
endure, while he endeavored to discharge his duties 
faithfully as a son and a servant of Christ. 

At times he hoped that God was about to revive 
his work ; and though he had again taken up his 
Latin grammar, he spent much of his time in visit- 
ing from house to house, and his efforts in rousing 
Christians appear to have been attended with some 
success. In one case he mentions an attempt to go 
to Mohegan, where remain several families of that 
Indian tribe ; but as the weather was warm, he 



PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 23 

became greatly fatigued when he had walked about 
half a mile, and was compelled to return. This 
shows a feebler state of health than his continued 
labors would indicate. He also mentions his uniting 
with the Methodist minister in various efforts, and 
thus exhibits his liberal and catholic spirit. His 
mind for the most part was in a happy frame, and 
he was gaining new strength and knowledge of him- 
self. He remained, however, but a short time at his 
father's, and could not record any decided results as 
the fruit of his labors. 

On Mr. Porter's return to New York, when he 
may properly be said to have commenced his studies, 
he was gratified to learn that the Sabbath-school 
teachers proposed to raise one hundred dollars yearly 
to aid him in his preparation for the ministry. This 
he felt to be not only a proof of their esteem, but 
also an evidence that God meant to provide for 
him. 

His views of the great work to which he had de- 
voted himself were thorough and elevated. He often 
alludes to the necessity of eminent holiness, and 
breathes forth many earnest longings for this qualifi- 
cation. 

" August 13. — I am studying — for what ? my 
soul, how canst thou realize the importance of the 
object in view ? A minister of Christ ! One who 
has given himself away, entirely and for ever, to serve 



24 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

God alone. Thousands of souls, perhaps, are to be 
saved or destroyed through his preaching. who 
can discharge the duties of a minister ?" Again he 
casts himself on God, dedicates himself to him, prays 
for " a lower place " at his feet, and implores grace 
to keep him from spiritual pride. 

The next day his mouth is filled with praises as 
he records "the sweetness of a Saviour's dying love," 
and says, "I have reason to bless God that my stud- 
ies do not keep me from enjoying religion." He then 
gives the secret of his strength in this matter. " If 
a word in my lesson is hard to be understood, I ask 
God to aid me ; and often after having tried a long 
time to get the signification of a word, upon asking 
God all has been plain to me. Never let me com- 
mence a lesson, or any thing else, without first asking 
his blessing." 

"August 15. — Remembered that I had taken my 
food, and the question arose, ' Has the soul been fed 
this morning as it ought to have been ?' Found 
myself guilty ; took up the Bible immediately, al- 
though Satan as usual suggested my putting it off 
till after recitations, and dwelt for a few moments on 
the passage, 'If ye, then, be risen with Christ,' etc." 

Visiting the store where he had formerly been em- 
ployed, Mr. Porter was questioned if he did not re- 
pent of his purpose, and wish to return. But he 
says, " My soul replies, ' Oh no !' I could not bear 



PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 25 

the thought, except God should evidently give me to 
understand by his providence that I am not called to 
the ministry. My soul loves the work of God better 
than ever. My desire for the ministry increases 
daily." 

" Sept. 9. — Never have been so much blessed in 
my studies as tins morning, and I have no doubt it 
was in answer to prayer. I mean to pray at least 
three times a day for the special purpose (1) of hav- 
ing my spiritual life kept up from day to day ; (2) 
if God sees it for his glory and my good, that my 
health may be preserved ; and (3) that my studies 
may be blessed to me." 

He found a practical benefit in keeping this reso- 
lution, for he records on the 11th and 12th, "God 
has wonderfully blessed me. Never have proceeded 
more rapidly in my studies, or had better health 
than thus far this week. I feel that God has in a 
peculiar mamier blessed my studies." He speaks 
also of the encouragement he finds as a tract distrib- 
uter, and seems to have much enjoyment in all his 
duties. 

On the 1 9th, while reading a passage of Scripture 
describing the union of Christ's people to him as 
members of his body, he pours out his soul in words 
of Christian charity, and says, " Then never let any 
Christian indulge hard feelings against a brother 
Christian, since he is a member of the body of Christ. 



26 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

But let all so love each other, as children of the 
same parent. " 

His journal now furnishes repeated evidence of his 
increased diligence, and tenderness of conscience. An 
incident exhibiting this latter trait it may be well to 
mention. Some friend had given him five dollars, 
and a day or two after, he writes, 

" Monday, Sept. 30. — Thought somewhat of pur- 
chasing a commentary on the New Testament, as I 
very much needed it ; but remembering that I owed 
my old employer, although he told me I need not be 
troubled about it, I thought the five dollars belonged 
to him, and wrote him. a note, enclosing the money. 
I find, when one side is sure to be right, and another 
is likely to be right but still doubtful, it is always 
best to take the sure side. God sent me the money, 
and who knows but he will send me some commen- 
tary to help me along. If he sees it best that I 
should have it, I am sure it will come ; the Lord only 
knows whence." 

Mr. Porter seems to have done what was right in 
this matter, and to have been blessed in doing it ; for 
he records, 

" Oct. 1. — How many friends the Lord has raised 
up for me ! This day I have received a box of books 
from my dear cousin, M. P., and among them I found 
Scott's Reference Bible and the five volumes of 
D wight's Theology. Wonderful, indeed !" About 



PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 27 

three weeks after this, he also received a present of 
Henry's Commentary on the New Testament, which 
led him to a resolution to live a more holy life. 

These frequent tokens of favor called forth many 
expressions of gratitude, and caused him anew to 
feel the obligation to live to God's glory. The next 
day, with peculiar emphasis, he writes, "Studied 
the Bible with more attention than for some time 
past. let me have God hi all my studies." 

"Sunday, Nov. 17. — Yisited a family who have 
lost their head — the husband and father. Endeav- 
ored to comfort the widow, and point her to the 
Saviour, who would be a husband to her and a fa- 
ther to her children. Also visited a poor black man, 
who we have reason to think is near to death ; also 
a poor colored woman, who fell a few days since and 
broke three of her ribs. Last Sunday I visited a 
family who had been deprived of a father and hus- 
band ; also a colored family, in which was a little 
boy, who has since died." Such visits were very 
useful to him, as they kept before him the great end 
of his life ; for he found that his studies had "a ten- 
dency to draw away his mind from God." 

His Sabbaths appear to have been spent in part 
with the infant Sabbath-school, where the little ones 
came to him with tears, asking about eternal things, 
and begging him to visit them at their home. He 
speaks of "the awful responsibility" of visiting so 



23 CHARLES H.PORTER. 

many families, and says again, " Went without din- 
ner, but was abundantly rewarded in visiting the 
fatherless and the widow." 

An incident mentioned January 19, 1834, may be 
cited as an instance of his boldness and faithfulness 
in what he conceived to be the discharge of his duty. 
He says, " Heard two young men swearing behind 
me as I walked. I turned round, and gently re- 
proved them. They cursed me to my face, and told 
me to go to hell. I asked them if they believed in a 
hell. They said yes, and that I would go there. I 
told them, if I did, I did not want them to go there. 
They said, I should go to a hypocrite's hell, but they 
never should. I repeated to them very calmly the 
commandment, • Thou shalt not take the name of the 
Lord thy Grod in vain,' and we parted. May it prove 
a word in season, sent home by the Holy Spirit." 

A pleasing exhibition of Mr. Porter's growing hu- 
mility occurs on the occasion of his application to the 
Education Society for aid. He was told, that as he 
had so many friends, he could probably get along 
with half a support. He was also cautioned against 
too high expectations, and these suggestions he re- 
ceived in a truly meek and Christian spirit. 

" They told me," he writes, " that I thought too 
much of myself. Alas, how true it is ! But I trust 
their kind frankness has done me some good. that 
all Christians would endeavor to tell each other their 



PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 29 

faults. How much more we might grow in grace. 
Lord, increase my faith ; lead me into the valley of 
humility, near the feet of my Saviour. Let me do 
just as God directs in every thing, and daily live to 
his glory." 

His next record is filled with complaints of his 
barrenness of soul. He deplores his pride and cold- 
ness, and longs for a more humble spirit. One re- 
markable instance of this latter trait occurs a day or 
two after, on the occasion of his receiving a letter 
from a friend. 

"Saturday, Feb. 1, 1834. — I received a short 

letter from my dear brother in Christ, W . 0, 

what a good man, good Christian, good friend ! His 
letter was one winch I have needed for a long time. 
How wonderful, how truly wonderful that it should 
have been received just at this season ! That he 
should write on the very day that I made the last 
note in my journal, and tell me exactly what I 
thought of myself, but what I did not feel as I ought ! 
God saw my waywardness ; he saw my horrible, ac- 
cursed, sinful pride. He knew I did not feel it, and 

put it into dear brother W 's heart to tell me of 

it in a note. that all my friends would deal thus 
with me. It is so good, that I will record it all ; 
and may the God of all grace, who loved such a sin- 
ful and vile worm as I am, bless it to my soul for all 
eternity." 



30 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

" ' Dear Brother Porter — Believe me, you can 
be of little service to mankind until you imbibe the 
spirit of a little child. Then you will never seek to 
be a great man, but a little one ; and you will pray 
to be less than the least of all. 0, dear brother 
Porter, you want nothing so much as humility. Pray 
in faith for this. "W7 " 

"I am, truly, & proud wretch, unworthy to bear 
the name of friend. Help me, dear Saviour, here- 
after to live more to thee." He refers from time to 
time afterwards to the above letter, and always with 
the same spirit. 

Mr. Porter was at this time reading Payson's Me- 
moirs. He admired, and longed to possess Payson's 
humility ; and says, " 0, my Saviour, my dear, de- 
spised Saviour, can I not learn humility of thee? 
Teach me, teach me humility. Though my sins 
rise to the heavens, yet I am not so great a sinner 
that thy power cannot prevail to bring me into the 
valley of humiliation. I know I deserve not the 
least favor from thy hand ; but 0, for thy own sake, 
teach me — teach me the humility of thyself." A 
toothache with which he was afflicted, leads him to 
spend in prayer the time which he could not employ 
in studying ; and the burden of his soul is for more 
holiness, more grace, deeper humility. 

He was now about to leave New York, to prose- 



PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 31 

cute his studies to greater advantage under experi- 
enced teachers, in the academy at Westfield, Massa- 
chusetts. From various notices of friends in New 
York in after-days, he seems to have cherished a 
pleasant recollection of his labors there, in connection 
with others, for the benefit of his fellow-men. It 
was the place where he had decided on preparation 
for the ministry ; and the warm hearts which greet- 
ed his purpose with so cheering a response, ever after 
clung to him, and would not forsake him even amid 
their own trials and embarrassments. Though he 
felt that it was a wise course to go elsewhere, yet he 
could not but feel some lingering regrets at quitting 
scenes hallowed by so many associations of friendship 
and kindness. 



32 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

CHAPTER III. 

STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 

The first entry in his diary at Westfleld is dated, 
" June 5, 1834. — Since writing last, my situation 
has wonderfully changed. The Lord has sent me 
here, I trust, to do something, weak as I am, for his 
great and holy name. the sweetness of Christ 
which I have enjoyed for days and weeks past. I 
trust I have given myself anew to Christ, and come 
to a more full and settled determination to live to 
his glory. A number of days since, I made a solemn 
resolution in the presence of God, that, he assisting 
me, I would at least twice, and unless extraordinary 
causes prevented, thrice a day pray myself into a 
spirit of prayer, however cold I might be ; and bless- 
ed be God, as yet I have at no time wished to change 
that resolution. And I trust I have been enabled to 
keep it ; and in keeping it, to retain a spirit of prayer 
nearly all the time. This morning I experienced the 
blessed effects of that resolution ; for, it being rainy, 
and my spirit indifferent, I felt backward about going 
to the throne of grace. But remembering this in- 
difference was one of the most dangerous sides on 
which the enemy could attack me, and calling to 
mind my promise to God, I went ; and the sweet 
peace that soon filled my soul ! I could say from the 



STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 33 

heart, ' Bless the Lord, my soul ; and all that is 
within me, bless his holy name.' 

" June 6. — I find I cannot study with any ease 
without a spirit of prayer, and bless God for it. 
my soul, trust in G-od. What shall I do without 
prayer ? My lessons, for nine months past, have not 
been enough prayed over. Never have I had such 
success as since I made them the continued subject 
of prayer. May my life be a life of prayer and ex- 
ertion for the Redeemer. I prayed this morning for 
hurnility, and I have reason to bless the Lord that 
he laid a burden on me which had to be confessed 
before the school. Thus he has brought me down. 
And then when I came home, he was kind enough 
to put it into the heart of a Christian brother to re- 
prove me for talking so much in meeting. So I am 
taught from day to day to be humble. that I 
may diligently improve these admonitions, for I may 
not always have faithful Christian friends to reprove 
me." 

Mr. Porter appears, at Westfield, to have entered 
at once on a course of active labor to benefit oth- 
ers. We here somewhat anticipate his dates, that 
we may give an idea of his labors in this new field. 
On the Sabbath, he sometimes attended "a prayer- 
meeting at quarter past four in the morning;" then 
went, at half past seven, three miles to a Sabbath- 
school ; then attended the morning service at church, 



34 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

and another Sabbath-school during the intermission ; 
then attended the afternoon service, after which he 
went three and a half or four miles in a different 
direction to a Sabbath-school, and then to a prayer- 
meeting in the evening. In view of all this, he 
might well remark, " So that every moment seems 
to be full." Besides this, he was also a distributer 
of tracts, and visited the poor and afflicted. 

He seems to have found great delight in his labor, 
for he says, " Sabbaths are peculiarly blessed to me. 
To get out two or three miles from town, into a small 
school-house or church, and there meet the children 
joyfully assembled and waiting, it is sweet. All 
earth with its vain pleasures would not afford me 
the satisfaction that I find in teaching those poor 
children, and in going from house to house, telling 
them about my beloved Master. In distributing 
tracts, I find enough to repay me for all that I have 
done. One woman is anxiously inquiring, and de- 
termined to seek salvation. Another seems to feel 
deeply ; and says she has not read her Bible and 
prayed so much for two years, as since she saw me 
last month." 

Both his heart and his intellect bear marks of the 
benefit he derived from his present course of educa- 
tion. His mind seems to take a wider range, and the 
improvement of his style of thought and expression is 
often quite perceptible. The beauties of nature call 



STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 35 

out his admiration, and he derives from all lessons 
which teach him more of God. He says, 

"June 7. — This morning, while sitting at my 
window and admiring the works of God, my thoughts 
were fixed upon a leaf, which led to the following 
reflections : Here is a leaf, perfect in its form, situa- 
ted just where it is needed, with a beautiful green 
color, a stem just the size to support it, and the sev- 
eral stronger parts running through the leaf to sup- 
port its form and regularity. A few weeks ago, 
where was it ? None but God knows. It existed, 
but in how many different materials I know not. 
Where they were, I know not. But one thing is 
certain : whatever or wherever they were, God has 
brought them together, and formed them into a beau- 
tiful thing called a leaf. In looking round upon the 
tree, I found it covered with these leaves, exactly 
the same in kind, but not the same in size. God 
was just forming some of them — how, I could not 
tell, but it was certain he was collecting the mate- 
rials, arranging them in proper order, putting them 
together, giving each leaf its proper shape, size, color, 
taste, and scent ; placing just so many upon each 
stem, and the proper number of stems upon each 
branch, and the proper number of branches upon 
each tree ; and increasing the body of the tree with 
branches, stems, and leaves, at the same time. Sure- 
ly this is work that far excels the work of man. 



36 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

"Now, thought I, should I begin to count the 
leaves upon each stem, and then upon all the branch- 
es of the tree, where should I end, even with those 
of the first tree ? Then to look around the garden, 
and see the immense number of leaves ; then look a 
little further to the broad and extensive forests, and 
behold the multitude of trees, shrubs, and bushes, 
which contain so many trillions of billions of leaves, 
and to consider that each one has its peculiar prop- 
erties, and that one Being alone is doing all this at 
the same moment, and had in mind before the foun- 
dation of the world each distinct leaf, the substance 
of which it is composed, and the particular time when 
it should receive its increase, leads me into fields 
where I am lost in wonder and astonishment. 
the greatness, power, wisdom, skill, and goodness of 
such a Being ! Who cannot adore him, who cannot 
praise him ? the loveliness of God exhibited in 
his works. my soul, love, and honor, and adore 
thy God." 

"June 15. — The good Shepherd has been over 
me to-day. His riches have been poured upon me, 
and peace like an overflowing river, for a great part 
of the day, has rested upon me. This morning par- 
ticularly my heart was stayed upon him. When 
coming home from the Sabbath-school out of town, 
and telling my sister of the difficulty of overcoming 
my pride, she said, ' My dear brother, look to Jesus. 



STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 37 

His grace is sufficient.' how sweet was it to let 
him have my pride — to give it all to him, and take 
my place at his feet, a suppliant of redeeming grace. 
I bless the Lord daily that he has sent me into this 
part of his vineyard. I can say that the days pass 
very pleasantly, and I hope profitably." 

" June 17.- — Lay down in the enjoyment of God ; 
believe I dreamed about him all night, and awoke 
in the presence of Jesus. How sweet to have God 
with us. I long for more conformity to him. It 
shall be my aim, in the strength of Jesus, to advance 
more than I have done in the attainment of holiness. 
Dear Saviour, here I am ; take me, make me holy ; 
carry me through any affliction, trouble, or trial ; 
only I beg of thee grace sufficient to profit by that 
discipline." 

He also alludes to the persecution endured by an 
acquaintance, and speaks of praying for her. This 
and similar notices throughout his diary, show that 
he was often in the habit of particularly remember- 
ing, at the throne of grace, the friends in whose trials 
he sympathized. 

"June 19. — Never have I realized and looked 
forward to the privilege of rising early in the morn- 
ing to serve God, as I do at the present time. Al- 
though I rise at four o'clock and engage in worship, 
yet it looks pleasant in prospect ; and to-morrow, 
blessed be God, I have appointed as a day of fasting, 



38 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

that Christ may advance the interests of religion in 
my soul. May it be my anxious desire to do some- 
thing directly for Christ every day. Cannot I find 
some poor sinner, and perhaps a number every day, 
to whom I may recommend Jesus ? 0, dear and 
blessed Saviour, give me more of thy spirit ; give me 
more wisdom, more humility, more love for thee and 
for dying sinners ; and may I be still more anxious 
to do them good. Why, why should they die ? 
my Saviour, must they die ? Wilt thou not use me 
to present thyself to them in such a manner that 
they may be led to seek thee ? Here, Lord, am 
I ; send me, not for myself, but for thee and for 
them." 

" June 22. — I have heard from a number of 
sources that I am doing too much. ' I shall ruin my 
health, shall become crazy,' etc. how strange that 
one can do nothing for Christ without being thought 
crazy. If I were to do ten times as much for my- 
self as I do for Jesus Christ, people would think it 
right enough. I know there is danger, and I hope 
sincerely that instead of pulling me down, they will 
try to build me up by their prayers and exertions. 
It seems to me that I should wear out ten times as 
quick, seeing Christians sleeping at their posts, and 
sinners calmly going down to hell, as from seeing 
them all alive to Christ and his cause. I desire and 
pray that the Lord may keep me from growing cold 



STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 39 

in his cause ; and that he may, if consistent, preserve 
my health and give success to my studies. may 
I be kept from every false doctrine, error, and sin, 
and live consistently and to his glory." 

That Mr. Porter did not err wilfully, even if he 
sometimes regarded not as he should have done his 
health and his situation as a student, is clear from 
his readiness, as above seen, to notice every thing of 
this kind, and make it the subject of serious reflec- 
tion. His mind was now constantly active in devis- 
ing some way to attain his great object of saving 
souls. Thus he mentions the following somewhat 
singular plan, and yet one which evinces the true 
spirit of a child of God. 

" June 24. — I thought this morning of a good 
way to make friends. If a neighbor is sick and 
needs watchers, let me go to one of that man's ene- 
mies, or one whom he dislikes, especially if he be a 
Christian, and ask him to improve the opportunity 
of showing his friendship by offering to watch, and 
by doing every little thing he can to assist the sick 
man and his family. He would thus put them to 
shame, and if they had any honesty they would con- 
fess and have the wound healed." 

A Christian friend having called to make some 
arrangements for tract distribution at an hour when 
he was engaged in private devotion, he alludes in 
his journal to the reluctance with which he left com- 



40 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

munion with the Saviour, though it was to confer 
with a friend, and on a subject especially congenial 
to his feelings. 

For the next few days he seems to have suffered 
dejection of spirit. Having set himself to trace the 
cause, he says, 

" Going down to bathe with a Christian brother a 
few days since, I tallied about other things far more 
than about Christ. Thus the Spirit was grieved. 
Another thing was pride. I do not prepare so 
many lessons for recitation as the rest do, but I study 
my grammar at home, which is more necessary for 
me at present than any thing else. They must con- 
clude that I do not study much, and this thought 
tries me. But I will do what is best as far as I can 
see ; and if I have the appearance of being neglectful, 
I will endeavor to keep my conscience clear in the 
sight of God, and subdue my pride. 

" Another thing. I have been praying that my 
burden might be removed, rather than that it might 
be sanctified. I have been impatient, not trusting 
enough in the fulness of God. I have been too 
much troubled about worldly concerns, not remem- 
bering that God will provide for me. I desire to 
rejoice, though with trembling, that I can cast my 
care upon Christ, resolving to do my duty and leave 
results with him. Let me ever cultivate such a 
spirit, that in times of trial I may look up and say, 



STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 41 

in love and resignation, ' It is my Father. Do just 
as thou seest best.' " 

Other portions of Mr. Porter's diary evince his 
desire for the spiritual welfare of his friends, who, 
he feared, were in the belief of dangerous errors. 
They could not feel that he was right in his unwea- 
ried efforts, and ascribed to enthusiasm what he felt 
to be obedience to the calls of the Holy Spirit. His 
soul yearned over them. He wept and prayed for 
them, and longed that they should taste the same 
heavenly grace, and act under the control of the 
same divine Spirit, that he hoped was guiding him. 
Under one date he mentions the faithfulness of a 
Christian friend in reproving him for some failings, 
and desires to profit by the rebuke. 

The cause of home missions about this time en- 
gaged his attention, and he speaks of becoming a 
missionary in some destitute part of our own country. 
He says Ins prevailing desire is hereafter " to labor 
among the vast growing settlements on our western 
borders." This is the first distinct mention in his 
diary of a purpose he afterwards more fully cherished, 
but which he did not live to execute. 

" Wednesday, July 23. — Have been much blessed 
of late in my studies, owing to particular prayer for 
that purpose — asking God to give me an inquiring, 
patient spirit, that I might calmly look into the 
intricacies and anomalies of the languages, and a 



42 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

persevering spirit, that I might overcome difficul- 
ties — not to show my knowledge, but to contribute to 
my usefulness. Sweet, passing sweet have been my 
seasons with Jesus at times, and at others my soul has 
been clogged. But generally my path grows bright. 

thou Searcher of hearts, assist me to do thy will." 
" Sept. 25. — Some precious seasons I have had ; 

but alas, my heart, from time to time, has wandered 
from God." 

" Sept. 27.— I am but a babe. I hope I have 
been a Christian almost five years, but feel that 

1 have made little progress. myjeanness, my 
barrenness ! My example, what has it been ? I 
shudder to look back on it. I will endeavor to pray 
more over my example, that it may be such as to 
carry conviction to those around me that I am born 
of God. I am prone to levity. Deliver me, God, 
from every appearance of evil." 

"Sept. 28. — Resolved to lean more simply on 
Christ. I learn slowly ; but a dull scholar makes a 
good one, if he is attentive and has Christ for a 
teacher." 

On the 4th of November, one of his days of fast- 
ing and prayer, he says, " Five years this day since 
I was converted." He testifies anew to the goodness 
of God, mourns that he has not served him better, 
and casts himself once more on his Saviour for mercy 
and grace. 



STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 43 

" Nov. 15. — Heard last evening of a man who 
had broken his leg. Went to visit him, and found a 
blessing by so doing. May I never forget that ' pure 
and undefiled religion before God and the Father 
is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their 
affliction, and to keep one's self unspotted from the 
world.' " 

Mr. Porter's record is here broken for some months, 
from the last date up to the 20th of March, 1835. 
On resuming it, he mentions that he had not con- 
tinued it because he was absent at New Hartford, 
teaching a school, and did not take his book with 
him. He says, " My feelings have been various. 
The first part of the time I was not half as much 
awake as I ought to have been ; but in the latter part 
God poured out his Spirit, and I felt more like labor- 
ing for him, and tried to do my duty. But I had to 
leave my dear scholars without an interest in the 
Saviour, except those who were pious before I went 
there." 

Learning afterwards that one of these scholars 
had been hopefully converted, and then another, he 
rejoiced much, and was again encouraged. A day 
or two after, he writes, 

" Nov. 25. — Some men lay out their strength for 
money ; God gives them money : some for honor ; 
God gives it them. Others lay it out for learning ; 
they possess it. And shall not I lay out mine for 



44 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

souls, and expect God will give them to me ? Yes, 
in his strength will I try hereafter to lay myself out 
with the expectation that God will make me useful 
as a means of converting sinners. Let me expect 
it as much as the laborer expects his wages." 

" April 2. — Find that much talking, if it is not 
on practical godliness, injures the spirit. More de- 
termined to ' search the Scriptures.' ' : 

A letter dated at "Westfield in April, addressed to 
his mother, with a single entry in his diary, is all 
the further information we have respecting him, till 
we find him the next autumn a member of Yale 
College. In this letter he speaks of having been at 
Norwich, and of spending a few days at Springfield, 
where there was a revival of religion, and says, " It 
was refreshing to my soul to get where God had 
poured out his Spirit ; and it brought forcibly to mind 
my great unfaithfulness, particularly at home. It 
is there that I ought to be faithful. But alas, I am 
not. When I go home, instead of acting like a Chris- 
tian, I acknowledge with shame that I act as for- 
merly. I know that I am more consistent anywhere 
else than at home. Did I know of any way to pre- 
sent the truth, so that it might have a saving influ- 
ence on my dear friends, I believe I should do it. I 
do know there is something in religion to which all 
are strangers but those who experience it. 

" "We have had happy times here ; some professors 



STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 45 

seem to act as they ought, and God has converted a 
number of sinners. My enjoyment has "been sweet 
and heavenly. Peace, not that which the world 
giveth, has flowed into my soul like a river. There 
is a blessed reality in religion which I long to have 
you all experience." 

He then alludes to some aid unexpectedly received 
from his brother, and to the goodness of God in con- 
ducting him on ; and repeats the declaration he had 
often before made, that nothing earthly could tempt 
him to relinquish the object he had in view, of pre- 
paring to serve the Lord as a minister of his blessed 
gospel. 

His record, on the 5th of May, is quite character- 
istic. " What a blessing to be reproved. I thank 
God he has given me a few faithful friends. My 
labors have been blessed this term more than ever, 
and God has given me a number of souls, one of 
whom came to me this afternoon, and wanted me 
to try to be more tender when talking to the impen- 
itent. I felt that it was like oil poured into my soul. 
God has to lay on the rod often, to keep me at his 
footstool. Every time he blesses my labors particu- 
larly, he has to give me the rod to keep me from 
going out of my place. Blessed God, wilt thou ever 
keep me down and glorify thyself." 



46 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

CHAPTER IV. 

FIRST TWO YEARS IN COLLEG-E. 

In a letter to his friend D , dated, Yale College, 

October 7, 1835, Mr. Porter thus speaks respecting 
the commencement of his collegiate life. 

" As yet I am much more pleased than I expected 
to be ; but I am fearful lest the blighting influences 
of a college life should lead my soul astray from God. 
I feel that prayer is indispensable, and hope that I 
shall ever persevere in a faithful discharge of private 
as well as public Christian duties. Many things are 
new, and calculated, unless one is on the watch, 
to draw off the heart from God. Many come here 
warm, I am told, but go away cold. That God may 
preserve the little spark which I have, that it may 
shine brightly, is my earnest prayer. I have not yet 
taken a class in the Sabbath-school, but hope to have 
a Bible class before long. On Tuesday evening we 
hold a prayer-meeting of our class, and on Friday 
evening there is a general one for all the classes. 
Our class is large, and many of its members are wild, 
but I hope there is salt enough in it to preserve it. 
We need great wisdom and grace to maintain that 
holy walk which alone will be acceptable to God 
and preserve our character spotless. 

" I am so favored as to be permitted to room out. 



FIRST TWO YEARS IN COLLEGE. 47 

My room-mate is one of the best young men I have 
ever met ; he was a class-mate in Westfield for about 
six months, and I doubt not he was there the means 
of converting a number of souls. He is studying for 
the ministry." He mentions that they board them- 
selves, and says, " We frequently have crackers and 
water for breakfast, crackers and water for dinner, 
and crackers and water for supper, and not unfre- 
quently a dessert of apples and pears. We have also 
cheese on the table, and sometimes cookies ; so that 
you see our dainties, if not ourselves, would almost 
induce you to come and dine. Living in this way, 
our board probably costs about seventy-five cents per 
week." 

Mr. Porter's diary is now written at longer inter- 
vals, indicating that his time was very much occu- 
pied in severe study. He was engaged as usual in 
Sabbath-school instruction ; for a time in the city, 
and then at Westville, two or three miles distant. 

His record of his collegiate life opens November 
15, 1835, with complaints of the hardness of his 
heart. During the absence of his room-mate he im- 
proves the opportunity of being alone in prayer. He 
says, " I knelt and attempted to pray, but could not. 
My heart was hard, and I could not even shed a tear 
in sorrow that it was so. I concluded that if there 
was any blessing to be received from God, he would 
wait until he saw I was in earnest before he granted 



48 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

it. I gave up all idea of doing any thing else until 
my heart was right. I wanted to pray for my Sab- 
bath-school class, but felt that I could not pray ac- 
ceptably with that state of feeling. I told God just 
how I felt, and how little I had loved him, and asked 
and plead for a blessing. But a few minutes passed 
before he came in mercy. He showed me the vile- 
ness of my heart. It seemed as if hell had hold of 
me, to draw me off from God : pride appeared even 
in my tears, and I was constrained to feel that I was 
vile, awfully so." 

Dec. 27. — " Sabbath evening. This day I have 
had an overflowing heart. When I looked around 
upon the world, and saw that every one of its in- 
habitants was by nature alienated from God, and by 
practice sunk in the depths of iniquity — when I re- 
flected upon the poor heathen sinking by millions to 
the chambers of eternal death, my heart seemed to 
break, and tears streamed from my eyes. To see 
my fellow-beings sunk deep in guilt, and exposed to 
the eternal wrath of God, was too much. Oh, my 
God, wilt thou not convert this dying world to thy- 
self ? Felt a peculiar anxiety for an impenitent 
class-mate; wrestled in prayer for him, resolved to 
go and see him, and endeavor with God's assistance 
to direct him to Christ." 

The next entry, February, 1836, speaks of a more 
encouraging aspect of things in college, and remarks 



FIRST TWO YEARS IN COLLEGE. 49 

that brethren had begun to plead the promises, and 
" exert themselves in favor of Zion." He adds, " Had 
a soul-refreshing season with God this evening. Oh, 
what a privilege it is to be alone with God. I have 
felt greatly the need of a place where I could enjoy- 
that privilege since I have had a room-mate, yet I 
know not but the daily benefit I receive will com- 
pensate me. For there are many little things occur- 
ring from day to day, and from week to week, about 
which we differ, and sometimes, perhaps, we should 
indulge hard feelings were it not for grace. Here is 
a great deficiency in my character, which I was not 
aware of until it was put to the test. I find that 
the moral feelings may be cultivated very much 
more with respect to little things, which constitute 
much of human life, by having a room-mate ; but 
with respect to private devotion, it is far better to 
room alone." 

Mr. Porter's mind was again dwelling on the sub- 
ject of missions, to which he seems more resolved to 
consecrate himself. He says, " The subject of mis- 
sions has been for some time on my mind. May God 
direct me to go wherever he pleases, if my life is 
spared." 

"May 3. — As I saw that it sprinkled, I was led 
to reflect what an admirable harmony there is in all 
God's works. I know not that I ever thought be- 
fore why we need little shoivers frequently during 



50 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

the day, from the latter part of April to the latter 
part of May, more than at any other time of the 
year. Yet the reason is very evident, and doubtless 
others who have been more careful than I to mark 
how God designs every thing for his own glory and 
our good, have observed it. At this season of the 
year every thing in nature is in its infancy. The 
spears of grass and the plants have but just taken 
root, and they need to be watered often, and to have 
the genial rays of the sun as often ; for if it should 
not rain oftener than at other seasons of the year, 
the soil would become dry farther than their roots 
extend, and the consequence would be that they must 
perish ; and at this season hot sunshine without rain 
might produce a general famine. Or on the other 
hand, if we had rain as copiously and as long as at 
other seasons, they would perhaps be exposed to 
mould. Thus our heavenly Father takes care of 
nature in its infancy, by frequently visiting it with 
gentle showers from heaven, and bestowing upon it r 
at short intervals, the genial rays of the sun." 

" May 6. — My soul has for a long time been a 
desert. It has been far away from my Redeemer. 
Resolved to spend more of each day during the va- 
cation in striving to grow in grace. Part of it has 
passed, and I have neglected it ; but this morning I 
had a sweet season of prayer, on a retired hill in 
"West Haven. I hope to spend the remainder of my 



FIRST TWO YEARS AT COLLEGE. 51 

vacation profitably, and be prepared to do good in 
college during the summer term. Expect to leave for 
New York to-day, and I pray God to be with me." 

It is probable that he spent the anniversary week 
in New York, and the rest of his vacation in Nor- 
wich. In a letter dated, Yale College, May 23, ad- 
dressed to his father, he says, 

" I feel about prepared to enter again upon my 
studies, after having spent for the most part a pleas- 
ant vacation, though I should be pleased to have 
spent more of it at home. I feel ashamed to think 
I have done no more good there. I have been less 
active in the cause of Christ at Norwich than any- 
where else. I hope hereafter it will not be so. I 
am glad persons have the Bible to teach them what 
religion really is, for if my friends at Norwich should 
judge of religion by my life, I fear they would never 
become pious. You are not afraid to speak and act 
on political subjects, to hold meetings, and do any 
thing that is honorable to secure the end proposed. 
And why should I be afraid to speak, and act too, as 
if I am in earnest ? Why should I be backward in 
using means for the conversion of souls ? If ever I 
am successful in winning souls to Christ, I know I 
must disregard the opinion of those who know not 
what it is to be born again, and to be ' filled with 
the Spirit.' They perhaps think religion of little 
importance, and act accordingly. Our conduct must 



52 CfiARLES H; PORTER. 

be widely different. T hope to be more faithful in 
future, and not a stumbling-block to those who have 
not ' tasted of the water of life.' what a glorious 
sight, could I come home next spring and see all our 
dear family converted to Christ, and living for eter- 
nity. Love to all from your affectionate son, 

" CHARLES." 

" Sabbath Morning, June 12, 1836. — God has 
been precious to me this morning. In studying my 
Sabbath-school lesson, while referring to passages of 
Scripture, I met this : ' Where your treasure is, there 
will your heart be also.' While reflecting upon it, 
the fire in my heart burned, and my spirit was 
broken. Precious gospel ; more precious than gold, 
yea, than much fine gold." 

" Monday, Aug. 8. — This day I begin the 26th 
year of my life. how rapidly time flies. A few 
days and I shall be no more. Others will fill my 
place, and I be forgotten among the children of men. 
What could man do without the hope of immortal- 
ity and of knowing something hereafter, especially 
of the love of God ? Set apart this as a day of fast- 
ing and prayer. May it be profitable. ' ■ This appears 
to have been his usual practice on every birthday. 

On commencing his second year in college, Mr. 
Porter writes thus in his diary : 

" Oct. 9, 1836. — During the vacation I found my 
soul greatly blessed. Perhaps it was because I did 



FIRST TWO YEARS AT COLLEGE. 53 

not have to confine my devotions to a particular 
length of time. While I was at home I came to a 
decision with respect to becoming a missionary. It 
has been on my mind for months, but I fear that I 
have not enough made it a subject of prayer. I fear 
also that I resolved to go from wrong motives. I 
do not feel fit to be a missionary, but may the Lord 
prepare me. I have as yet no desire to change my 
purpose. From the moment I placed my name on 
the card, I felt a peace of mind as to this subject 
which I had not felt before. My not being decided 
on this point, may have been the very reason why I 
have no more grown in grace. Since that time I 
can truly say that I believe my path to have been 
upward. The latter part of the vacation I spent in 
my beloved Westfield." 

He mentions the sickness and death of several 
friends in that place ; speaks with great earnestness 
and tender affection of those he loved, praying that 
he may know his duty with respect to them, and 
alludes to the trial he was to meet in declaring his 
resolution to be a missionary. He had reason to 
suppose that his mother would scarcely acquiesce in 
its propriety, and says, " I have not yet told her my 
decision, because I do not wish to wound her feel- 
ings so long before the time." 

"Oct. 13. — This day has been greatly blessed to 
my soul. When reading the 20th chapter of John 



54 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

this morning, I was surprised and delighted. Never 
before do I recollect having my heart opened to drink 
in God's word so abundantly. Never before did I 
see such exceeding richness in it. I was astonished 
to think I had read the same passage so many times, 
and yet never seen its beauty — its exceeding loveli- 
ness. How true it is, that ' the natural man dis- 
cerneth not the things of the Spirit.' Neither do 
Christians always ; for alas, how often it is a book 
opened too much from duty and not from hearty love. 
I was delighted to discover its richness, and hope 
hereafter my heart will always be hi a proper state. 
It is a rich feast to spend half an hour alone with 
God, and if I could have only this during the day, I 
ought to be willing to toil hard all the rest of the 
day for it. But blessed, blessed be God, I can take 
an hour and a half every day, and often much more 
for this purpose. Bless the Lord, my soul. Al- 
though I am not as fond of study as of prayer, yet 
if the Lord lets me have a place and time in which 
I can commune with him without distraction, I am 
willing to study or do any thing else which he assigns 
me. May I remember that it is for his sake I study." 
" Oct. 25. — I have enjoyed more the presence of 
God thus far the present term, than for a long time. 
Many precious seasons have I had. But I am es- 
pecially grieved this evening that I so often offend 
my Saviour. Alas, how feeble is man. I go astray 



FIRST TWO YEARS AT COLLEGE. 0/) 

like a foolish child. I have sweet seasons with God, 
and then go ont and any one would think that he 
was farthest from my thoughts. Alas, alas, when shall 
I be like God ? for a baptism of the Holy Ghost." 

" Dec. 6. — My soul is exceedingly vexed with 
pride — always panting after earthly honors. Yet 
my blessed God has seen fit to give me no honors 
among men. Blessed be his name, he knew I had 
not humility enough to receive them without pride. 
0, if I can but be contented, yea, rejoiced to have 
one take the palm in composition, and another in 
the languages. Yea, let the honors be distributed 
all about . me, only let me be a little one, dressed in 
a garment of humility, and seated in some retired 
corner, out of sight, but feasting on my Saviour's 
love ; let me but be crowned by him, then shall I 
be happy. Take, my friends, these earthly honors ; 
may they do you good : give me the approbation of 
my Master. I bless God he has made others better 
men, better scholars, than myself. May I therefore 
learn humility." 

Under* date of February 5, Mr. Porter, after speak- 
ing of having neglected his diary, and resolving to 
write in it at least once a week, says, 

" In the vacation I have reason to hope that God 
blessed his word. Since the term commenced I have 
heard of the conversion of my elder sister, for which 
praised be his holy name. It has shown me my 



56 CHARLES II. PORTER. 

utter want of faith, and I hope thrown me more 
upon Christ." He also mentions the conversion of 
a member of his Bible class, and speaks of a public 
fast and renewal of the covenant by the churches of 
the city, and of some cases of hopeful turning to 
God there, as well as of revivals of religion else- 
where. In these scenes he mingled with joy, and 
declares, " Never have I felt more my own nothing- 
ness and unfitness to labor for God." 

The next day Mr. Porter complains, " Find my 
feelings vary too much with outward circumstances. 
Have been led to doubt whether I ever possessed 
true love to God. A kind of sluggishness has crept 
over my soul." 

This is the first intimation in his diary of his 
having a doubt respecting his interest in Christ. 
"With all the variations of his feelings he still trusted 
in him. The happiness he found in his service led 
him to feel that he ought not to doubt that he was 
a child of God, though he often mourned his coming 
short in duty. 

Alluding to the monthly concert of pxayer, he 
further says, " Have felt for a year past much inter- 
est for Canada. That may yet be the field to which 
my Saviour would have me go." We have here an 
intimation of a feeling which we find afterwards 
strengthening, and leading him to one of his most 
successful fields of labor. 



FIRST TWO YEARS AT COLLEGE. 57 

He was now in the practice of going out occasion- 
ally to some of the villages near New Haven, and 
attending a meeting in the evening, and sometimes 
on the Sahbath. Referring to an invitation to en- 
gage in such labor, lie says, " Was requested yester- 
day to attend a meeting at West Haven, but felt that 
it would not be right to leave my studies, though 
nothing would have more accorded with my feelings, 
had duty directed me to go. Have felt a deeper inter- 
est in college of late." 

"Saturday Evening, February 12. — God is evi- 
dently in the city. There have been several conver- 
sions the past week. The work exceedingly still : 
no noise, bustle, or excitement. Went over my les- 
son as speedily as possible, that I might go and see 
a member of my Bible class. Found a great change 
in her feelings, and hope it has been wrought of 
God." 

Alluding to the expulsion of a class-mate for vi- 
cious conduct, he says, " Could not but contrast his 
situation with mine, and ask, Who hath made us to 
differ ? Prayed that it might be the means of lead- 
ing him to Christ." 

" Spent more than three-quarters of an hour in 
prayer this evening for a broken and contrite heart ; 
did not obtain it, but feel determined not to rest till 
I do." 

The 23d of February was observed as the annual 



58 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

day of fasting and prayer for colleges. This day is 
a most important one in those institutions where it 
is observed. A special blessing seems to attend it. 
It appears as if the hearts of mothers, fathers, broth- 
ers, sisters, and friends, breaking as it were and flow- 
ing together, were drawn out in wrestling urgency 
for the sons and brothers and loved relatives they 
have sent forth from the hallowed circle of home to 
the various seats of learning. The youth themselves 
cannot but feel it. Not a few, from time to time, refer 
their first serious impressions while in college to this 
day. Mr. Porter, alluding to it the next day, says, 

" Yesterday was greatly blessed : deep searchings 
of soul seem to have been its prevailing character- 
istics ; especially was it so with me. Scarcely ever 
has my soul been more searched." 

The notices in Mr. Porter's diary are now more 
infrequent. He blames himself for not keeping up 
his resolution of entering a record at least once a 
week ; but probably he was much occupied, both in 
his studies and his labors in the revival, which he 
alludes to as one of much power, resulting in numer- 
ous conversions, some of them quite remarkable. He 
notices the return of the day in which he first united 
with the church of Christ, and speaks of a conver- 
sation with a class-mate, now deceased, the first in 
his class in literary standing, and says, though he 
detained him from tea unintentionally, yet " he re- 



FIRST TWO YEARS AT COLLEGE. 59 

marked to me that my conversation was so profitable, 
he did not wish to interrupt it. He seemed to say- 
it from the heart. that I may be the means of 
winning his heart to Christ. I have had several 
serious conversations with him." 

"March 16. — Felt somewhat encouraged with 
regard to my studies. Have had to study very hard 
Wednesday afternoons and evenings" — usually sea- 
sons for recreation and meetings of societies — " at 
which my heart revolted. Did it because I thought 
it duty." "Can perceive a great improvement hi 
my studies, though I have to toil for it. But I am 
convinced that much of the discipline which I need 
will be lost unless I learn to conquer. May the Lord 
prepare me by hard labor for any station in which 
my Redeemer shall be pleased to place me. May 
he keep me from ambitious motives. I fear they are 
too much intermingled with others, and that the love 
of the praise of man will exert too great an influ- 
ence over me." 

He mentions, about this time, that he had relin- 
quished his Bible class in the city, and taken upon 
himself the superintendence of the Sabbath-school at 
"Westville. 

There is no intimation where he spent the spring 
vacation, but we find him again, in the summer term, 
entered on the severest studies of the second year in 
college. 



GO CHARLES H. PORTER. 

CHAPTER V. 

EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 

During the earlier part of his college course, Mr. 
Porter had been in a great degree free from pecun- 
iary want ; at least, scarcely the mention of such 
need appears among his papers, from the time of his 
leaving New York for Westfleld. But the year 1837, 
as is well known, was a year of great pecuniary 
embarrassments in our country, and it was to be ex- 
pected he would feel the pressure of the times. As 
early as June of this year, we find intimations to 
this effect. Thus he says, 

" Met with some disappointments with regard to 
pecuniary concerns, but if my heavenly Father would 
have me continue in college he will provide the 
means." Again : "Pecuniary means have been un- 
expectedly provided. Received a letter a few days 
since, saying that I must by no means leave college. 
That my friends preferred to retrench their private 
expenses, that the necessary amount might be made 
up for me. A friend has made a liberal donation, 
to be called for when I please. Thus, my heavenly 
Father provides, in ways unseen by me." 

It shows the strong hold Mr. Porter had on the 
sympathies and affections of those kind friends, and 
the expectations which they felt they might reason- 



EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 61 

ably cherish of his future usefulness, that at such a 
period they preferred to make sacrifices of their own 
comfort rather than that he should not go forward 
in his studies. In allusion to his dependent situa- 
tion, and the kindness he received, he says, 

" Find it a great advantage to be poor. It affords 
God's people a channel for their benevolence, thus 
making them happy. Have been forcibly struck 
with this fact in relation to the people of Westville. 
For some time they did not know my circumstances ; 
they feared to offer me aid lest my pride might be 
wounded. But by inquiry they found out my situa- 
tion, and now seem very desirous to assist in giving 
me an education. When one source is cut off, another 
seems at once to open. He has given me many 
warm friends at Westville." 

Mr. Porter's vacation, previous to the commence- 
ment of his junior year in college, was partly spent 
in Norwich. The only notice we have during this 
interval, is in some extracts from a letter to his friend 
D , of New York. It is dated, Norwich, Sep- 
tember 1, 1837. In answer to a request that he 
would call on a friend, he says, 

" On your account I may. I never allow the 
pleasure of visiting to interfere with more important 
duties." Again : "I am thankful that the hardest 
part of my whole course of study is through, I think 
I may with safety say, well through" 



62 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

He acknowledges a kind donation of clothing which 
he had received during the past summer, of which 
he retained such articles as he needed, and says, 
"Disposed to one and another of almost all the re- 
mainder, and thus saved many a dollar for a poor 
student, which in these times I can assure you came 
not amiss." 

Alluding to the case of a young friend, who still 
continued unconverted after having been some time 
under conviction, he suggests the effort to " throw 
her upon the sovereignty of God," and remarks, 
" Perhaps it might lead her to her Saviour. But 
after all, how feeble is human instrumentality. "We 
may talk and talk for ever, but without God's blessing 
it avails nothing. My dear brother, if we would 
win men to Christ we must be more in prayer. We 
must water our couch with tears, and our hearts 
must yearn with humble, holy ardor for the salva- 
tion of souls. Humility, brother, profound humility 
before the great and holy God, is what is needed 
by us. 

" I am glad to hear that your Sabbath-school pros- 
pers ; but take care, brother. The devil is always 
ready to puff up with pride those who try to do 
good. Let every successful effort humble you in the 
dust, and make you feel your own unworthiness that 
God should bestow such high favor on a worm of 
the dust, a poor lost sinner — lost for ever without 



EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 03 

the saving arm of the blessed Redeemer, which has 
plucked you as a brand from the burning." 

Mr. Porter's first entry in his diary, in his Junior 
year, bears date Oct. 4. " Was sick about a third 
of the vacation. Health entirely recovered. Had a 
melting season on the Friday fast, in the vacation, 
alone in the woods. Hope to devote this year to 
God more entirely than any hitherto." 

" Oct. 25. — I long for the time to come when I 
shall not be chained down to study. Though I have 
become fond of it, I wish to spend more time in doing 
good. But I must learn neither to neglect study nor 
the cause of God." 

"Oct. 27. — I hope it may never be said of me, 
1 Since he has been to college he has lost his piety.' 
But, blessed Redeemer, may I continually grow hi 
grace, and may my last two- years hi college be by 
far my best." 

He mentions on one occasion, November 2, having 
spent an hour and a half or three-quarters mostly hi 
prayer. "I felt," he says, "that Jesus was near 
me the unworthy, and my eyes flowed freely. 
that such seasons may lead me near to my God. I 
feel that I have been peculiarly blessed thus far 
another year. I have prayed and still pray that it 
may be more devoted to God than any preceding 
year. that I might grow in grace, advance from 
day to day, and month to month, and year to year, 



64 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

until this perishing body shall decay. my God, 
my Saviour, do thou sanctify me wholly, that I may 
reflect the image of my dear Redeemer in all my 
ways. I feel the need of greater humility, and an 
eye single to God's glory," He also remarks, " I 
feel my need of perseverance, though my friends 
seem to think that I possess it." 

"Dec. 11. — My leanness, my leanness. Though 
God has poured upon me the greatest temporal bless- 
ings, yet my soul seems to be blighted. Perhaps I 
have too much concern as to where I shall go to 
preach. But why be concerned? If God sees fit, 
he will send me forth when I am ready. Let me, 
therefore, leave all with him." 

In a letter to his friend and correspondent, Mr. 
D of New York, December 21, Mr. Porter says, 

" One-third of the Junior year is passed ; soon, 
very soon shall I take my farewell of these literary 
walls, and enter on my theological course. Four 
years and a half since I commenced my studies ! 
Who can realize it ? How wonderfully hath the 
Lord dealt with me. My health, about which so 
many fears were expressed at the commencement of 
my course, has been all the time good, except two 
or three short periods of illness ; and I have pros- 
pered in my studies beyond my expectation. My 
religious feelings since I began to study have been 
variable. Sometimes I have walked in the light, 



EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 65 

and at others groped in darkness, though I sincerely 
pray that a college life may not leave me with less 
piety than at my entrance upon it. With regard to 
pecuniary concerns the Lord hath dealt bountifully 
with me. I have thus far been provided for, though 
when I left my business I could not see a week be- 
fore me. I knew not how I could get along, and yet 
you see my absolute wants have been supplied. I 
have never really suffered, though many times I 
have needed what I did not possess." 

" Dec. 27. — Saw a new tribute to James B. Tay- 
lor, and having read the preface, purchased it, believ- 
ing that those who assist me would not think that 
lost or wasted which tends to fit me to be a better 
minister of Jesus Christ. The term has almost 
closed. We have had our election for appointments. 
My division have ranked me in the first third in 
science, but not in literature. Whether the faculty 
will honor me with an appointment I know not, and 
feel no concern ; if I fear on either side, it is that they 
will rank me higher than I deserve. But though 
not a good scholar, I bless God that I can neverthe- 
less be a good man, and, with his blessing, do much 
good." 

He spent his vacation in Terry sville, a manufac- 
turing village in the town of Plymouth, Connecticut. 
Though he was a stranger, his labors here were 
greatly blessed. Soon after he arrived, a church was 



6G CHARLES H. PORTER. 

formed and meetings were commenced. With few 
exceptions he found professing Christians cold, and 
says, " Prospects for usefulness during vacation are 
rather discouraging." For his own benefit he com- 
menced reading Pilgrim's Progress, and learning the 
references. He also began a system of visits to 
families, entering into personal conversation with 
each member, and was enabled to do much good. 
A revival of religion, evidently the work of the Spirit 
of God, commenced ; the church was roused, and some 
ten or more persons were soon inquiring the way to 
eternal life. 

Mr. Porter employed his mornings in study, and 
his afternoons in visiting. In the evening meetings 
were held, and also on the Sabbath ; they were gen- 
erally well filled, and sometimes crowded with at- 
tentive and weeping hearers. Soon one and another 
were indulging hope in Christ. 

He early won his way to the hearts of the people, 
and they appear to have had a great desire that he 
should spend some weeks with them. The vacation, 
however, continued but two weeks, and his duty re- 
quired him to return to college. The trial of his feel- 
ings in respect to leaving them, is described in the 
following extracts from his diary : 

" Jan. 16. — Evening. Have been visiting all day 
and bidding the people farewell. Astonished to find 
that almost every family feel as if I ??iust not go. 



EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 67 

Had a very sweet time, and a broken heart, while at 
prayer in a poor widow's house. Find that there is 
an almost universal seriousness. Christians feel 
much more than they did, but they need more bro- 
kenness of spirit. More or less impenitent sinners in 
almost every house feel for their souls." 

" Jan. 17. — Last evening I gave the people my 
farewell. The house was full almost to overflowing ; 
it was the most solemn meeting we have had. At 
one time I should think half the congregation were 
in tears. Some in the course of the evenmg sobbed 
aloud. Some anxious ones remained, and four or five 
young converts. After a meeting of the committee 
of the church, they wished to know if it was a pos- 
sible thing for me to stay over the Sabbath. They 
said that on Monday they would see me home." He 
determined that it was his duty to remain. " In- 
deed," he says, " I hardly should dare to go away 
without some one to enter in who could put in the 
sickle." 

" Afternoon. Found Mrs. B , the wife of a 

Universalist, hoping that she had made her peace 
with God. A young man also feels determined to 
live henceforward for Christ. He is about eighteen 
years old, and I hope will exert a happy influence. 
Another, a young lady, feels willing to give up all 
for Christ, and seems fully decided to live for his glory. 
Another youth too gives some evidence of a change." 



68 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

" Jan. 19. — Last evening, though the walking 
was bad, the house was well filled. Some came two 
or three miles. I addressed them, from the words, 
' Will a man rob God V I endeavored to show them 
that they had robbed Him of the service of their 
minds, of the proper exercise of their affections, of 
their property, time, thoughts, and conversation. Af- 
ter I had finished, a young man who was a member 
of some church, but not known here as such, and 
who had been a leader in profaneness and iniquity, 
rose and confessed himself a robber of God. He then 
asked forgiveness of God and of all his young friends, 
and told them he intended to devote himself to the 
service of Christ. All were surprised, and it is to be 
hoped that it may have a happy effect. Several 
lingered after the meeting to converse on the subject. 
God, prepare me for this work. I feel ignorant 
what to do, as I have had no experience in such 
labors. Wilt thou teach me, and then I shall be 
guided in wisdom's ways. 

" Jan. 20. — Full meeting this evening, although 
they have prepared seats to accommodate fifty more. 
God seems to be powerfully at work. Quite a num- 
ber of young men, I know not how many, have come 
out for Christ within a day or two. Deep serious- 
ness reigns throughout ; even the most hardened are 
thoughtful, and several of the most profane leaders 
in wickedness have laid down the weapons of their 



EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. G9 

rebellion. One of them came after the meeting, 
grasped my hand, and with tears thanked me again 
and again for my faithfulness to him. It seemed as 
if he could not express enough, hut I directed him 
to Christ, feeling, I believe in truth, that not unto 
me but unto His name must be all the glory." 

"Jan. 21. — Sabbath. House full to overflowing 
all day. Some suppose that more than three hun- 
dred were present. The Spirit of the Lord seems to 
work with a mighty energy. I never before saw 
such a work of grace in so short a time. More than 
fifty stayed to converse. The Lord only knows how 
many have given their hearts to Jesus." 

At this time Mr. Porter applied to the president 
of the college, for leave to remain a little longer in 
the prosecution of this important work ; and having 
obtained it, he continued there until another laborer 
arrived. 

"Jan. 23. — Spoke last evening with reference to 
false hopes. Never felt so much need of the teach- 
ings of the Spirit ; find that God is blessing my soul 
richly, and not only mine but many others. This 
evening the meeting was very full. Many are re- 
joicing ; one, who was determined he would not be 
a Christian, has meekly bowed to the truth." 

" Jan. 25. — Find that my discourse on false hopes 
cut off many, threw many into deep darkness, al- 
most despondency, and made others more estab- 



70 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

lished. These trials will not hurt them, if they are 
truly pious. Told them plainly, that I had much 
rather they would at once throw away their hopes, 
if they were not sound, than to keep them until they 
were taken into the church, and then slide back into 
the world, like many ungodly professors at the pres- 
ent day. 

" Just heard of the conversion of a young lady who 
laughed at the conversation which I had with her 
some days since. It appears that for about a week 
she has been under conviction. It has been deep of 
late, so much so that she almost despaired of mercy. 
She felt as if she was the worst of all, and had al- 
most resolved to seek no longer. She came to the 
meeting ; the light broke in upon her soul, and when 
she went home, she went with Jesus as her friend. 
The woman with whom she lives says she is entirely 
changed. She is humble, teachable, and rejoices 
with trembling, lest her heart should, after all, prove 
to have deceived her. The same woman told me 
that she said I appeared to her almost an angel. It 
grieved me that she should know no more of the 
human heart than to tell it to me. I find difficulty 
enough in keeping the flames of pride from burning 
up my piety, without any additional fuel. I had to 
rebuke the good sister, almost with severity, telling 
her plainly she was unintentionally aiming a death- 
blow at my future usefulness. Oh, that all would 



EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 71 

learn a lesson of Jesus ; then they would think less of 
the creature, and more of the Creator." 

" Jan. 26. — Spent almost all day in literally pray- 
ing out a discourse from these words, ' Oh, do not this 
abominable thing which I hate.' Never before felt 
so willing to be nothing, that God may be all in all." 
Of the delivery of this discourse, he says, " Never in 
my life was I so buried and lost in my subject. Be- 
fore I was through, I believe I may say, in truth, the 
whole congregation were hi tears." 

He records the following rules for his future action 
in vacations : " Wherever I go, 

" 1. Visit the people, and get every family inter- 
ested in me as an individual. 

" 2. Not propose meetings myself. Let the peo- 
ple get hungry for them before they commence, and 
then not have them too frequently. 

" 3;, Let me be anxious rather to tear away false 
hopes than to get people to hope. The conversion 
of a few persons that will honor the cause all their 
lives, is much more for the interest of Christ's king- 
dom, than of many with little piety, 

"4. Let me always feel that I am ' a miracle of 
grace ;' that I am to do God's work, not mine ; and 
that if I think much of myself, God may blast my 
hopes of usefulness. He has no need of my services, 
and can easily dispense with them without any detri- 
ment to his kingdom." 



72 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

" I find I am in a world of danger. God has al- 
ready crowned my labors with unexpected success. 
He has given me many souls as seals of — what ? I 
was about to say, faithfulness ; but my conscience 
says, No. He has converted, as we trust, many 
through his abounding grace." 

Alluding to his addresses on the danger of a false 
hope, he says, though they " shook the hope of many, 
and destroyed the hopes of others," yet they " seem 
to have been blessed. Some who were thrown into 
the deepest darkness, have come out like gold ; they 
are humble, and fearful lest they should be left to 
injure the cause they profess to love ; yet they are 
happy." 

He mentions the arrival of a young minister to 
spend some weeks with the people. Mr. Porter 
went around with him and introduced him to the 
families. He rejoiced to leave them in such good 
hands, but was tried at the thought of parting with 
them. His heart lingered around the sacred spot, 
and it seemed as if he could hardly tear himself 
away. "We find him often afterwards looking back 
with peculiar interest and deep emotion to the place 
and the blessed scenes in which he had been engaged 
in this vacation. He says, 

"Jan. 31. — This day finishes a month which 
has been spent in this place ; and what hath God 
wrought ? Surely I am astonished at the wonder- 



EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 73 

ful change. Several family- altars have been erected. 
Some families are almost entirely changed. God 
has richly blessed the people." 

"With these feelings he left the place hallowed in 
his memory by such tokens of mercy, where he had 
poured out so many prayers, and counsels, and tears, 
and where he had won so strong a hold on the affec- 
tions of the little community. The committee of the 
church gave him thirty-five dollars, and presents 
were added from individuals. Thus, while he was 
seeking to benefit the souls of others, G-od was rais- 
ing up for him those who ministered to his temporal 
necessities. 

On his return to New Haven he wrote to his 
mother, accounting for his not visiting home in the 
vacation. 

"Yale College, Feb. 7, 1838. 

"My dear Mother, — I returned from Terrysville 
last Friday, after an absence of five weeks. You 
must not think that I have no desire to come home. 
I thought of my father, and mother, and sisters, and 
friends ; but duty seemed to point a different way, 
and I cannot say but it will next vacation. I am 
aware that it is hard for you to spare me from home, 
and it causes me pain, when I allow myself to dwell 
upon it, to be so long absent. But what shall I do ? 
The world is perishing, and needs all the moral and 
mental energy that can be applied to reclaim it ; and 



74 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

if God can make use of the talent he has given me, 
to advance his work at all, I feel bound to do it, 
though at the expense of your feelings and my own. 
But why should I say my own? For I love the 
work, and nothing gives me greater delight than the 
faithful discharge of duty. But there is nevertheless 
a natural tie that is strong and hard to be broken. 
I wish to guard you lest, if I should be absent in 
vacations, you should feel that I have lost my inter- 
est in home, and seek pleasure somewhere else. If 
I know my own heart, it is not pleasure that I seek, 
though it comes as a matter of course from the dis- 
charge of duty. I love my dear home as well as 
ever ; but I must seek, hereafter, not my own, but 
the things which are Jesus Christ's. My health is 
very good. Love to all. 

" As ever, your beloved son, 

"CHAHLES." 

His return from Terry sville was hailed by those 
who had before enjoyed his labors at Westville, and 
he immediately entered on a continuance of them. 
Fresh from the scenes of a revival, with a heart 
glowing with zeal and love for souls, his presence 
seemed to infuse new life there. The meeting he 
there held, on being resumed, was full and solemn. 
After he had addressed the church, " one of the dea- 
cons arose and confessed his declension from God, and 
resolved to live a better life." His diary proceeds : 



EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 75 

" Feb. 9. — Have thus far this term enjoyed much 
of the presence of God. I have not that delight 
of which Taylor speaks, but I have a sweet calm. 
Jesus seems precious, and I feel desirous of spending 
my time entirely for him. Brother S n's sugges- 
tion with respect to consecrating every lesson to 
God as soon as I have learned it, and any portion of 
Scripture which I read or hear, I like very much. 
It tends to humility. It makes me feel that I am 
not my own, but am entirely Christ's. It is my ear- 
nest prayer that this term may be fully dedicated to 
God, that I may know that I grow in grace. Thus 
far I feel I can sincerely say I have done so, and may 
the blessed God keep me. ■ Hold thou me up, and 
I shall be safe.' " 

" Afternoon. Went to brother C 's room be- 
fore dinner, and as both of us cared more about con- 
versing on religion than for our dinner, we stayed 
at his room and spent the time in conversation and 
prayer. He has been greatly blessed. Many mem- 
bers of the school which he has been teaching, have 
been converted. God has taught him a new lesson. 
I hope he will go on from term to term with the 
same spirit." 

Mr. Porter was now continually devising methods 
of active effort. Thus he writes, " Why may I not 
see my impenitent friends at our table converted ? 
I know the Spirit of God must do it, . but he has 



76 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

promised a blessing. They are thoughtless for aught 
I know, but G-od can awaken them. blessed Re- 
deemer, wilt thou not honor thyself in their conver- 
sion ? Lord, if thou canst make use of me, wilt thou 
do it ; or any one, Lord, whom thou wilt send. 
I feel that I can rejoice in their conversion, if I have 
to be laid aside for it. Lord, revive thy work. 

Convert H , and L , and M , and P . 

Not my will, but thine be done." 

" Resolved, that even if no other Christian brother 
is willing to exert himself for the salvation of my 
class-mates, I will go forward in the strength of my 
Redeemer. I will try to bring them to Christ. 

" I have made so many good resolutions that I am 
almost afraid to make any more. I feel weak and 
utterly incapable of keeping them, or rather, I should 
say, that my wickedness prevents me from keeping 
them. I hope I have made the above resolution in 
full view of the difficulties I may meet in carrying 
it out. May the Lord assist me in using the mite 
of influence I have, in doing them good. Now lead 
me, blessed Saviour, day by day, hour by hour, and 
step by step ; preserve me from doing any thing 
wrong ; keep me from wounding conscience. May 
I walk before thee ; may my thoughts be acceptable 
in thy sight ; may my conversation be heavenly ; 
may all see and feel that I have been with Jesus ; 
and may I be a living epistle, known and read of 



EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 77 

all men. May I remember that my body is the 
temple of the Holy Ghost. May I be exceedingly 
careful not to defile it. May the inmost recesses 
of my heart be such that I should be willing to 
have my thoughts brought out and published to 
the world. May my life hereafter be more godlike, 
more consistent, and may I every day be doing all 
my Master's will, and preparing for that holy and 
heavenly rest which God has provided for those who 
love him. So let me live, so let me die. So let my 
soul at death wing its flight to purer, happier re- 
gions. Use me, God, for thine own honor, in the 
salvation of men." 

" Feb. 12. — Spoke to the people at Westville last 
evening. Had some conversation with two Catholics ; 
found neither of them had a Bible, but each wished 
one. I purchased two with the Lord's money, which 
I intend to give them. From the money which I 
receive from new sources, and on which I do not 
depend regularly for support, I reserve one-tenth for 
giving where it seems to be needed. I do hot think 
it right to give away the money which others save on 
purpose for my support ; but of that which comes in 
unexpectedly, as that which I received the past vaca- 
tion, I think it right to reserve a tenth for this blessed 
purpose. This tenth I put aside with the inscrip- 
tion, ' The Lord's money.' " 



78 CHARLES II. PORTER. 

CHAPTER VI. 

JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 

The progress of Mr. Porter's mind and heart thus 
far has been very apparent, and it is evident that he 
possessed many traits which prepared him for great 
usefulness. We resume our extracts from his diary. 

"Feb. 13. — Heard from Terry sville. Brother 

S is still laboring successfully, and I hope we 

shall yet see greater things in that place. How I 
long to go. It seems as if I could hardly be con- 
tented to study ; and yet I believe I can say, f Not 
my will, but thine be done.' I will try to wait the 
appointed time, and diligently prepare myself for the 
great work which is before me. God can carry on 
his work of grace without my aid. Why, then, 
should I not be willing to be here ? Help thou me, 
God, that I may gladly wait till thou shalt call 
me into the field. 

" I conversed with H yesterday about an 

hour. He appeared to feel no particular interest, 
but it seems to me that he will be converted. Wrote 
to the converts at Terrysville. Had an unusually 
sweet season of communion with God this evening 
My heart seemed broken and melted. Thought 
much of the heathen to-day. Would that my moth- 
er would rejoice to have me go and die among them. 



JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 79 

Should I live, and not go to Canada, probably my 
course will be over the great deep." 

His feelings on this subject are more fully express- 
ed in his record a few days later. 

" Feb. 15. — Brother D tells me, that from 

all the colleges and seminaries in the United States, 
scarcely an individual can be obtained to go to Can- 
ada. Some are willing to go on foreign missions, 
hundreds on home missions to the West, but scarcely 
one can be prevailed on to go to Canada. Mr. Curry 
was here two years ago, and gave us a thrilling ac- 
count of the situation of that people. Had I been 
ready, I would have gone at once ; and it seemed to 
me that the eight or ten whom he asked for would 
at once be supplied. But tell them of a township 
ten miles square, with a thinly scattered population, 
many of whom are poor, ignorant, and debased ; of 
having to preach anywhere and everywhere ; of no 
roads, or very bad ones, perhaps without bridges ; of 
no intelligent or Christian society, not even a minis- 
ter, within twenty, thirty, or fifty miles ; of a freezing 
climate, with six months of winter ; of a mixed pop- 
ulation of Scotch, Irish, French, English, and Amer- 
icans ; of having to labor for a small salary, just 
enough to live ; of being out one side from the world, 
and laboring there as an humble pastor, unknown 
except by a few in the town or the surrounding 
population, and of a thousand other difficulties — and 



80 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

they wish to be excused. One makes one excuse, 
and another, another; and hardly one can be found 
to go." 

" I was thinking this evening, that men have no 
right to be discouraged who are laboring for Christ, 
even if they do not have success. If it were their 
own business, it would be different ; but our duty is 
to find what God would have us do. When that is 
settled, we must at once do it, and leave it with him 
to bless the effort according to his pleasure. If we 
are discouraged because it does not turn out precisely 
according to our wishes, it would seem as if we are 
* seeking our own, and not the things which are 
Jesus Christ's.' " 

The 22d of February was the day of prayer for 
colleges. Mr. Porter speaks of the state of the col- 
lege as being interesting, and of one or two conver- 
sions which had taken place. He was, however, un- 
expectedly called to Westville. 

" Though it was the fast for colleges to-day, and I 
much wished to be here, yet my tutor agreed with 
me, that I might be more useful at Westville in vis- 
iting the people and attending the meetmg in the 
evening. Accordingly I did so : the meeting was 
full to overflowing ; they had to open two rooms. 
Things continue to grow interesting, and I have 
great reason to hope there will be a copious shower 
of divine grace. 



JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. Ql 

" Feb. 23. — Resolved to see every professing Chris- 
tian in my division " — of his class — " and endeavor to 
enlist his feelings in the great cause. May I receive 
aid from heaven. I feel that I have done wrong in 
spending my hour at noon in conversing with brother 

A mostly on another subject than the interests 

of college. 

"Feb. 27. — Began Edwards on Revivals; exceed- 
ingly interesting." 

Mr. Porter from time to time heard of the advance 
of the work of grace at Terry sville, and he longed to 
be there. The number of converts had increased, 
and portions of the town not before so much blessed 
shared in the grace. One factory was closed one 
forenoon, and turned into a place of prayer. 

He seems to have received much comfort from the 
assurance that the young converts whom he had 
been instrumental, as he hoped, of leading to the 
Saviour, appeared so well. He was informed that 
they were active in seeking to lead others in the 
right way, and might be seen "going to their impen- 
itent friends weeping, and beseeching them to attend 
to their souls' salvation." 

On the 18th of March, we find Mr. Porter at Hum- 
phreysville, a part of the town of Derby, not far from 
New Haven. He was invited there by the pastor of 
the church to assist him in an interesting state of re- 
ligious feeling among his people, and obtained liberty 

Mem. Porter. 6 



82 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

to be absent a few days from college. From his ac- 
count there appears to have been much to contend 
with. The church had not humbled themselves be- 
fore God, and did not feel as they ought the greatness 
of the blessing which they sought. Political meet- 
ings and school exhibitions at first drew off a portion 
of the people. But the pastor and Mr. Porter perse- 
vered in their prayerful endeavors, and not without 
success. On the 25th he writes, " The tide has 
turned. The work of the Lord now seems to go 
forward. Several, we hope, have been converted, 
though the church has had to wade through a sea of 
difficulties." He received tokens of gratitude from 
the people, and says, " Let me remember brother 

's treatment of ministers, and always try to 

make the people satisfied with them." 

On his return from Humphreysville he heard again 
from Terrysville, that the work of grace was still 
continued there, and says, " It is a sweet comfort to 
feel that one has been instrumental in the salvation 
of souls, and yet there is a painful anxiety lest they 
should dishonor the cause of Christ." 

His heart was also gladdened by the receipt of a 
letter from home on the 18th of April, approving his 
proposed visit to Canada. His parents felt that if 
the choice for him lay between a foreign field and 
one nearer home, they greatly preferred the latter, 
and hoped, that by enlisting his feelings in some such 



JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. S3 

scene of labor, he might be induced to give up his 
purpose of crossing the ocean. 

Mr. Porter's next entry is at Norwich, during the 
vacation. 

"May 13. — About the close of the term visited 
Terry sville for a few days. Found the people in an 
exceedingly interesting state. Meetings were crowd- 
ed. Many had been hopefully converted since I left ; 
many more were anxious, and some it is hoped were 
converted while I was there. They urged me to 
stay, but I had promised to go another way." 

He went to New York, where he visited Sabbath- 
schools and attended the anniversaries ; and then to 
Norwich, where, during the absence of the pastor, he 
attended meetings, and as usual visited from house 
to house, conversing with the people. He was now 
in the circle of his relatives, and he speaks as always 
with great tenderness of those who he believed were 
still out of Christ. 

Alluding to some preparation for addressing others 
on which he had bestowed much labor, he says, in a 
spirit of humble dependence, " Lord, it is thine, not 
mine." 

On his return to college, he engaged again with 
unusual delight in his studies. The wonders of sci- 
ence seem to have attracted him, and he was led 
anew to adore the greatness of God, as w r ell as to 
feel that but for sin, man might be equal almost to 



84 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

the angels in knowledge and holiness. " But," he 
says, " alas, fallen, fallen ! Therefore may we im- 
plore pardon for the past, assistance for the present, 
and direction for the future. my Saviour, my Fa- 
ther, let a guilty and polluted worm yet hide himself 
beneath the shadow of thy wings.'' 

His labors were continued in the Sabbath-school. 
He mentions some encouraging facts, and says, " The 
Spirit of God seems to be at work." One of the chil- 
dren " professed herself willing to serve the Saviour." 
He also mentions a person benefited by his labors a 
year before, and says, " She feels that she has been 
converted, and with tears thanked me for that con- 
versation. Whether it had any influence in leading 
her to her Saviour, I know not. If she is one of 
Christ's oivn children, it is of little consequence 
whose labors brought her to him, as it must all, from 
first to last, be traced to the love of God, the grace 
of Christ, and the influence of the Spirit. Blessed 
be God that the glory all belongs to him. that I 
might sink into the ocean of his love." 

" June 3. — Thus far during my junior year, I have 
been blessed above former years. May the last few 
weeks prove the best of all. 

" June 5. — Daily meetings commenced yesterday, 
about ten or fifteen minutes in length, after tea ; 
very refreshing. Lessons easy ; am enabled to get 
them, besides attending two extra lectures. This, 



JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 85 

of course, keeps me constantly occupied. Work 
marked out for every moment of the twenty-four 
hours, so that it is not necessary to lose any." 

Though the entries in Mr. Porter's diary are now 
shorter and less frequent than at other times, yet 
they furnish proof of his increased attachment to the 
cause of Christ, and of his growth hi grace. His 
labors of various kinds were continued, and he no- 
tices instances of one and another from time to time 
giving themselves to God. His mind appears to 
have been intent on promoting the spiritual life of 
his class-mates and others among whom his lot was 
cast. Thus he says, " Spent about an hour this 

evening in endeavoring to persuade Mrs. P to 

attend at once to her soul's salvation." " Suggested 

to brother L the idea of a fast with reference to 

the coming responsibilities of Senior year. We may 
suggest it to the class. I can truly say, that my 
Junior year has been one of many blessings. I have 
had, I think, more spiritual feasts and melting seasons 
than in either of the other two. I think that God 
has blessed my labors to the salvation of as many 
souls as in all the former years of my life together." 

The responsibilities to which he alludes in the 
coming senior year, may be indicated by stating that 
the duty of leading the various meetings in college 
devolves on the members of the Senior class ; and 
the religious aspect of the college receives a charac- 



86 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

ter from the state of spirituality which exists in this 
class. Mr. Porter, at the time when the Senior class 
left, was chosen one of the numher from the future 
Senior class, who were to act as leaders in the church 
of the college. He says, in view of it, 

" It was unexpected, and involves great responsi- 
bility. If I accept this, I must resign my Sabbath- 
school. Both are important ; but which is most so ? 
I hope to be taught of God. I have felt for some 
time a deeper interest in the college, and more of the 
spirit of prayer for it, than before in three years ; 
and have sometimes doubted whether I had not bet- 
ter give up my Sabbath-school, and devote my whole 
attention to college. What will now be best, I know 
not. If I can get some devoted person to fill my 
place at Westville, I shall be inclined to return to 
college ; but I think God will teach me. The sug- 
gestion of a fast was made at a meeting this evening, 
and the brethren seem to think it important." 

" June 27. — How thankful I am that wiser and 
better heads than my own advised me, when first 
setting out, to take a full course. Although I long 
to be in the field, yet I feel that I can not only wait 
my appointed time, but when I think how poorly 
fitted I shall be for the station even then, I feel 
thankful that I can study several years longer." 

He continues to breathe forth the most earnest 
desires for greater holiness, deprecates the secret sins 



JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 87 

of his heart, admires the grace of God in sustaining 
him while others are cut off, and speaks of a prayer- 
meeting of the brethren at noon, and the sweet re- 
freshment he had while calling on them at their 
rooms, and in private prayer at his own. 

He was now severely tried by a pecuniary disap- 
pointment, but says, " I have no reason to be anxious. 
God has taken care of me hitherto, and I trust he 
will in future. Let me rather be anxious to do his 
will, and walk before him with a perfect heart. Per- 
haps this is the beginning of a series of afflictions by 
which he means to purify me. If so, thy will, not 
mine, be done, Father." 

Havmg heard of the death of a class-mate, he 
writes, 

" Jtjly 22. — I love to think of death. It is sweet 
to feel that this our earthly tabernacle will soon be 
dissolved ; dust crumble to dust. Soon the messen- 
ger appears, and what a change ! 

" for a more holy walk with God. This is what 
I need. ' The secret of the Lord is with them that 
fear him.' Then should I be enabled to adopt the 
beautiful language of the poet, - that I had wings 
like a dove. Then would I fly away, and be at rest.' 
Sweet rest ! heavenly rest ! rest for the body, rest 
for the soul ; rest from sin, rest from cares, rest from 
pain, sickness, sorrow, and death ! A rest with God 
our Father, who hath so loved us as to give us his 



88 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

only-begotten Son. Rest with Jesus, who hath re- 
deemed us with his precious blood. Rest with the 
Spirit, who, by his sweet influences, drew us to the 
Lamb. A rest with angels, who surround the throne 
day and night, crying, Holy, holy, holy Lord God of 
Sabaoth. A rest with Abraham, and Isaac, and 
Jacob, with Joseph, and Moses, and Joshua, and 
Isaiah, and David, and Paul, and all the holy throng 
who have ever dwelt upon the earth. glorious 
rest : we wait for it, and will, by the grace of God, 
endeavor to be prepared for it any hour." 

Mr. Porter felt it to be necessary to leave college, 
some time before the commencement, to recruit his 
health. Before this, however, after noticing his birth- 
day, and speaking of the wonderful grace bestowed 
on him, he gives another instance of God's providen- 
tial care of him in the time of need. 

" Aug. 9. — For many days have been expecting a 
letter from my brother containing money, but none 
came ; was reduced to thirty-five cents ; feared I 
should be obliged to borrow, as I expect to leave 
town to-day or to-morrow ; but just now received a 

letter from Mr. D , enclosing ten dollars. How 

wonderfully does my heavenly Father provide ! Bless- 
ed be his name for this. May the Lord reward broth- 
er D a hundred-fold." 

He now took an excursion on foot to Providence, 
H. L, with the intention of spending two or three 



JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 89 

weeks in recreation in that vicinity. He remarks, 
" It was exceedingly difficult to compel myself to be 
willing to spend a week or two in mere diversion ; 
but my duty seemed to be clear. I must use all the 
means in my power to preserve my health. Many 
young men, well-educated and pious, and who long 
to preach, are laid aside as useless. May the Lord 
preserve me from a like visitation." 

In a letter to a friend, written at Norwich, on his 
way to Providence, he seems moved by the consid- 
eration of Grod's goodness in preserving his health 
the past year, so that he had scarcely lost a day. 
He appears to look forward to his coming Senior year 
with delightful anticipations, and speaks especially 
of his theological course in prospect as " a harvest 
rich beyond expression." " I cannot bear," he writes, 
" to think that it must pass away so soon, and leave 
me, even if I do my best, so ignorant. how my 
soul exults even to think of tasting the knowledge 
which lies open before me. It seems as if I would 
delight to enter upon almost any single branch, and 
spend centuries exploring its depths." 

With his eye fixed on the office of a minister of 
the gospel, he again remarks, " I shall need to put 
on anew the robe of righteousness, and be clad with 
spiritual armor, before I shall be prepared for that 
great office. what an office ! Worthy of an an- 
gel. Would that I might be so far elevated above 



90 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

the world, that I may not disgrace the blessed sta- 
tion." 

One can hardly recognize, in these earnest pant- 
ings after knowledge, the youth once so averse to 
study as he presents himself in our opening chapter. 
What a transformation ; and in this case no one can 
doubt that it was owing to the influence of the gos- 
pel of Jesus Christ. 

Mr. Porter remained in Rhode Island a little more 
than a week. He says, 

" Aug. 26.— Conscience would not let me hunt 
and fish. It pains me to give pain to any thing. 
God has been drawing graciously near my soul to- 
day. Such a season I have not enjoyed for a long 
time. how barren I have been. I am ashamed 
of myself. God enabled me to plead for great bless- 
ings the coming year, particularly for humility. 
Herein I am greatly wanting ; I feel that I am sadly 
deficient. The humility of Christ appears perfectly 
lovely. I can see it also in his ancient disciples. 
His modern children too, frequently possess it. But 
oh, when I look into my own heart, the depth, the 
awful depth of depravity. I desire to be more hum- 
ble, and the Lord enabled me to plead for it this 
morning with much more earnestness than usual. 
My soul seemed to agonize for this one great bless- 
ing. I plead nearly an hour, though the time to me 
seemed very short. 



JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 91 

" This noon was greatly assisted in prayer for a 
further blessing on the coming year : a willingness to 
spend much more time in communion with God ; 
that the closet may be a delight ; that my affections 
may be raised far above the world, its praises, and 
its censures ; that I may find intercourse with God 
far sweeter than any intercourse whatever with any 
human being, and that I may have a sense of the 
power, wisdom, mercy, justice, holiness, and spotless 
purity of God. For such blessings did the Spirit in- 
cline me to pray, and may God answer my prayers 
as he shall see fit. Into thy hands, God, I commit 
my spirit. 

" I am a poor, frail, dying creature. I am exceed- 
ingly guilty ; hardly a point to which I apply the 
touchstone of thy word escapes condemnation. I 
see myself to be vile, and I am almost afraid to live, 
lest I should commit some dreadful sin which would 
fix a lasting stigma upon my character, and deeply 
wound the cause of Christ. thou upon whose 
arm alone I lean, preserve one so weak, so frail, so 
liable to err, so easily led away by temptation." 

In a few days we find him laboring in Williman- 
tic, a small factory village in the eastern part of 
Connecticut. He states, that during the early part 
of the summer there had been several conversions, 
but for several weeks the religious interest had di- 
minished, and the meetings were more thinly attend- 



92 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

ed. His own soul was, however, alive and engaged, 
and he expresses his feelings in a letter of advice to 
a friend, in whose Christian welfare he felt much 
interest. 

' 'Sept. 4, 1838. — Strive to learn the art, if I 
may so speak, of doing good. I think Christians 
generally are far too forgetful of the great end of 
their being. "We need to learn how to do good. 
Many are sincerely desirous of accomplishing some- 
thing, but do not seem to know how. Study the 
human heart. The Bible will teach it. I have 
also been much assisted by Mason's Self-knowledge. 
Another very excellent way to get at the heart, be- 
sides watching attentively our own, is to get Chris- 
tians and new converts to tell us what their feelings 
were before they were serious, while they were so, 
and after they obtained a hope ; how they felt about 
the pleasures and business of the world, how about 
religion, ministers, and Christians, and what their 
objections were, and how removed. Thus one dives 
to the bottom of the heart. Then we can tell how 
others feel, so that they will hardly believe that some 
one has not revealed to us their feelings. In this 
way we can find what to say to the impenitent. If 
we find them careless, we must present some truth 
to rouse them from their lethargy ; if they have ten- 
der feelings, but are not anxious, show them their 
guilt ; if anxious, guide them to the Lamb ; and if 



JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 93 

they hope in him, lead them, if possible, to feel that 
they have a great work before them, and that what 
they do must be done quickly." 

" Sept. 4. — Talked almost constantly for four 
hours — found myself somewhat exhausted ; and from 
all my intercourse with the people this afternoon, I 
should judge that there was little hope of a revival. 
Yet God can appear. I feel confident that he, and 
only he can cause these dry bones to live. Our 
meeting this evening was very solemn. Eternity 
seemed near ; the subject, the judgment. Many 
tears dropped during the presentation of the truth. 
that God may speak, and then I know that man 
will hear." 

Alluding to his struggles with pride, he says, " 
that I might be willing that my worthless name 
might rot that Christ may be exalted. that I 
might be so lost in the ocean of his love as for ever 
to forget myself." 

His feelings led liim to think of his home and those 
there whom he loved, and he says, 

" Sept. 9. — Thought seriously of going home to- 
morrow, on purpose to preach Christ to my father 
and his family, invite him to ask a blessing at the 
table and pray in his family, and if he would not do 
it himself, to let me do it every time I come home. 
Lord, teach me my duty clearly, and give me grace 
to discharge it. When I get home, I always am too 



94 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

much as I used to be. I have had far too much of 
a man-fearing spirit. They have sometimes been 
afraid I was running crazy, hence I have not been 
as devoted before them as I ought to be. that I 
might be more like Jesus Christ." 

" Sept. 10. — Upon more reflection concluded that 
it would not be duty to attempt to ask a blessing and 
have family prayers myself, but I think that I will 
try to set a more Christian example, and endeavor to 
talk plainly. Lord, give me grace to do it." 



SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 95 

CHAPTER VII. 

SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 

Our readers have noticed Mr. Porter's progress in 
intellectual attainments. His mind became more 
mature with his years ; and the purpose by which 
he was actuated in seeking to acquire knowledge, to 
devote all to God, exercised an ennobling influence 
upon him, and gave him a firmness and perseverance 
which enabled him to control himself, and gain influ- 
ence over others. He thus marks his return to col- 
lege and entrance on his Senior year. 

" Sept. 27, 1838. — I enter to-day upon the studies 
of my senior year. May the Lord direct me. By 
his grace assisting, I hope to live a better life. that 
this may be a year of practical godliness. I feel that 
unless he hold me up, I shall fall. blessed Jesus, 
suffer me not to stray." 

" Sabbath Morning, Sept. 30. — the loving-kind- 
ness of Jesus ; how sweet, how sweet his presence. 
This morning I feel that he has fed my soul with 
heavenly manna. No tongue can express, no heart 
can conceive the blessedness, the sweet, the sacred 
blessedness of communion with Jesus, but one that 
knows it by experience. Could men but once taste 
such love, they would say to the world farewell 
My little bedroom is indeed my Bethel. 



96 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

' Tell me no more of earthly joys.' 
They have no charms for me. Tears filled my eyes 
while at prayer, my soul melted sweetly, and I longed 
for more of Jesus. Never have I felt so desirous to 
grow in grace as of late. I feel guilty for having 
been so cold and indifferent during my previous years. 
that my future life may be more consecrated to 
God. The passage, ' Do good unto all men as ye 
have opportunity,' has of late taken deep hold of my 
mind. May I be careful to observe it. I find many 
offliwtunities, and I hope I may hereafter more dil- 
igently improve them. Why may I not enjoy from 
day to day a state of mind that will enable me to 
feel willing at any time to depart and be with Christ ; 
yea, more, that will make me long ' to fly away and 
be at rest V I do hope that this year will not pass 
without my being brought to feel so dead to the 
world that I shall be found in Paul's ' strait.' '' 

He speaks of the dull and unpromising state of 
religion around him, and in allusion to the efforts 
made to secure the newly entered students for a liter- 
ary society, says, "Why not be as interested to get 
them into the society of Jesus ? Feel resolved to 
pray for a revival, to labor with my Christian breth- 
ren to the same end, and to go to the impenitent. 
Who knows but God may open the windows of heaven 
and pour us out a blessing? Lord, fit me for the 
work which thou hast for me to do. may I be 



SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 97 

humbled, and brought to feel as I ought with refer- 
ence to this subject." He then thus closes one of 
the books of his diary : 

" Oct. 3. — ' And of his kingdom there shall be no 
end.' Blessed be God! Blessed be the name of 
Christ ! Of thy kingdom there shall be no end. 
Kings and princes have already risen up against it. 
The earth has been drenched with the blood of mar- 
tyrs, but thy throne is not yet overturned. JNTor 
will it ever be. Nation after nation will rise and 
fall. Generation after generation will successively 
roll unnumbered millions into eternity, but thy king- 
dom shall stand as long as the earth endures ; yea, 
when the earth and all things therein shall be burned 
up, it shall endure, and endure for ever. Glorious 
thought ! That all the powers of hell shall not pre- 
vail against it. What, then, am I ? What, among 
the hundreds of millions who are constantly passing 
through the world ? What a little speck. What an 
insignificant atom. Christ can build up his kingdom 
just as well, if he pleases, without me. that I 
might feel it, and count it a great mercy if I am per- 
mitted to have the smallest share in the building up 
of his church. 

" God, I pray thee make me wholly thine. 
may I be entirely swallowed up in the love of Christ. 
Let me not stray from thy paths. Thou art my 
strength and shield. Keep, keep me, heavenly 



98 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

Father. I shall fall without thee. My steps will 
slide. I am a wandering child, easily led astray. 
I am a miracle of grace. If I ever get to heaven, it 
will he sovereign, unmerited goodness — grace, grace, 
to a poor straying, proud, self-seeking sinner. I have 
nothing to plead before thee. Make me thine, en- 
tirely thine. for a baptism of the Holy Ghost. 
May I he willing ever hereafter to deny myself, take 
up my cross, and follow thee. for a holy heart, a 
heart of love, a burning heart, through which God 
may work for his own glory. w And now, God, my 
Father, my Creator, my Preserver, my Benefactor, 
my Redeemer, I sacredly give, I consecrate to thee 
my life, my all. A poor offering, but all I have. 
To thee I give myself, for life, for death, for time, for 
eternity. May I ever feel that I am thine, that 1 
am to do thy will wholly ; that I am no more to 
confer with flesh and blood ; that I am, in all cases, 
to seek thy will ; in short, to be in Christ and he in 
me. And now to thee, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, 
be praise and glory for ever. Amen." 

A break here occurs in Mr. Porter's diary, as one 
of the numbers is missing, which we cannot but the 
more regret, as he seems to have entered upon a 
most interesting portion of his life. It would be 
gratifying to go along with him in his efforts to ben- 
efit his fellow-students, and to trace the progress of 
his spiritual life just after the last glowing words 



SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 99 

and holy breathings. The following letter to his 
sister may, perhaps, in some degree supply the defi- 
ciency. 

"Yale College, Nov. 3, 1838. 

" My dear Sister — I had the pleasure of meeting 
Mr. S. this afternoon, and though I have not yet 
seen the letter he has for me, I will commence an- 
swering it. Time flies rapidly. Soon, very soon I 
shall be absorbed hi theological studies : a moment 
gone, I shall stand, Providence permitting, a herald 
of the gospel. After which, farewell, ye sacred halls, 
ye places of retirement ; farewell, ye halcyon days ; 
farewell, ye beloved associates, ye delightful vaca- 
tions ; and farewell, ye relatives and friends whom I 
delight to visit. 

" And whither shall I go ? Into the cold region 
of Canada ? To India ? To China ? To the Sand- 
wich Islands ? Perhaps to one of these places. If 
I think it a' duty, I shall doubtless go. I think I am 
willing to go to the uttermost part of the earth, if 
my Master call me there. And though it would be 
like severing a limb from the body to go against my 
dear parents' will, yet if Jesus call me to make the 
sacrifice, it is not for me ' to confer with flesh and 
blood.' I must make it. My Bible teaches me to 
forsake — whom ? My enemies ? That would be no 
trial at all. My acquaintances ? That perhaps would 
be somewhat hard. But it goes much farther : ' He 



100 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

that will not forsake all that he hath, cannot he my 
disciple.' He must he willing to forsake even his 
own heloved father and mother, his brothers and 
sisters, his relations and friends, his property, his 
country, his all. And is this too much ? Ah, no. 
Jesus has shed his own blood on Calvary for me, 
and shall I refuse to spend my life for him ? Shall 
I consult my ease, my happiness, my honor, when it 
interferes with the advancement of his kingdom ? 

" But do you begin to feel as though I were almost 
on the billows, floating upon the deep ? I am not 
yet gone, nor do I know that I shall ever go. I have 
sometimes thought I should ; but the great probabil- 
ity is, that I shall lose myself among the millions of 
the western valley. I may yet stay in New Eng- 
land. I may be settled within a dozen miles of my 
native place. If I can find where the great Head 
of the church will have me stationed, there will I 
stand as a sentinel and watch, whether ft be among 
his army at home, or upon one of the most distant 
outposts. I cannot say yet where I shall be. I am 
afraid I shall be governed too much by love of ease, 
by affection for earthly friends and similar motives. 
I find so much sin working in me that I am very 
liable to be misled. 

" I wish my mother and sisters loved the Saviour 
and the poor heathen enough not only to be willing, 
but earnestly to desire to have me go from the 



SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 101 

bosom of their own family, and carry them the glad 
tidings of great joy. Then I should not be so liable 
to be misled, and if I stayed at home I should not 
be afraid that I did it merely from a desire to please 
my friends. But you must not give yourself any 
great uneasiness, for as things look at present, I see 
no prospect that I shall go. My bones will probably 
lie buried in my own native land, though I some- 
times think they may whiten some foreign shore. 
But enough. As ever, 

" Your beloved brother, 

"CHARLES." 

In a letter from Mr. Porter to his friend Mr. D. 
of New York, dated December 8, 1838, he says, very 
characteristically, " Last evening I received another 
fifty dollar bill from my dear brother George, which, 
had I known when it was coming, would have saved 
me from saying any thing to you ; but it will all 
come in use, and that too without waste. It will 
probably more than cover the expenses of the present 
term, so that I hope not to have to call for more 
assistance for several months. I am really tired, 
and almost ashamed to call further upon my friends ; 
and I think somewhat of boarding myself next term, 
that I may avoid it. I believe, however, that I shall 
not have to reproach myself for extravagance, though 
I must say that my conscience of late has been some- 
what touched by a couple of volumes introduced to 



102 CHARLES II. PORTER. 

my library. Most persons, were they to glance at 
my library, would say, ' What, he need assistance ? 
Such a library ! It is as good as half our young 
ministers have at their first setting out, and yet he 
is not through college.' I think I have a good library 
for one so early in his course and so poor, for it con- 
tains about 150 volumes. But almost all are the 
gifts of dear friends. Two expensive volumes, how- 
ever, have been added lately, and as I am not certain 
that I ought to keep them, I will ask some advice." 
He proceeds to state that these two volumes were 
Townsend's Bible, in which the parts are chronologi- 
cally arranged, which he supposed would be very 
valuable, and which being in large type he could 
read and study at night, and for which he exchanged 
a work on chemistry. 

Mr. Porter appears to have spent his vacation at 
Northfield, as we find two letters during this period 
dated from that place. He was engaged, it is believed, 
in laboring in a revival of religion there. In the 
former of these letters he says, 

" Jan. 9, 1839. — I always find a blessing in en- 
deavoring to ' do good and communicate,' and as 
usual have found one at this time. I know I am 
utterly unworthy of it, yet God condescends to grant 
it. that I had stamped more deeply upon my 
heart my Saviour's image. This I need, and for 
this I would request your prayers. I need more 



SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 103 

humility, a more entire dedication of all I have and 
all I am to God. Little do we feel the great reali- 
ties of a coming eternity. that I may learn to be 
a better man." He cautions his friend not to let 
the heart be too much engrossed in study, urges him 
to a life of holiness, " and if possible to win souls to 
God ;" and enforces his advice by a reference to his 
own example, and the effects of study on his own 
heart. 

Again, January 18, he observes, " I feel that I am 
in peculiar danger. I have naturally a proud and 
ambitious spirit, and things are constantly taking 
place to fan the unholy fire which burns within 
my bosom. But Oh for the humility of my dear 
Redeemer. Alas, how different is our spirit from 
His. Pray for me, that prosperity may not be my 
ruin. I have no strength in myself, and if the Lord 
withhold his protecting hand I shall fall, to rise no 
more." 

The sixth number of Mr. Porter's diary opens in 
the second term of his senior year, Feb. 20, 1839, 
with these words : "0 that before this book is filled, 
God might permit me to record the conversion of one 
hundred souls. I feel that such a blessing looks large, 
but still thou, my Father, canst do it ; and I feel 
that no one else in the universe can. Were minis- 
ters to preach and Christians to labor for ever, still 
the balm of Jesus must be applied to cleanse the sin- 



104 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

sick soul. Come then, my Father, make bare 
thine arm and manifest thy glory." 

He was soon occupied during his leisure hours in 
visiting families and attending meetings in West 
Haven, and considerable seriousness was manifested. 
He mentions the case of two or three who gave evi- 
dence of a change of heart. Still, he had some trials 
there, and alluding to the conduct of some persons 
who appeared trifling at one of the meetings, he 
says, " how it did annoy me. Truly ministers 
must be tried. I feel that I can sympathize with 
them far better than I could formerly. How entirely 
dependent are we on God for a blessing." 

A sudden providence, the drowning of a member 
of college, struck a blow on the hearts of even the 
thoughtless. A revival of religion in the church, and 
also an awakening to inquiry among the hitherto 
careless and stupid were soon manifested, and some 
who had backslidden, began to return. He says, 
March 9, the day of the young man's drowning, 

" Professors of religion have, to some extent, been 
faithfully conversed with. But what a dreadful 
coldness. One particularly, who I had hoped would 
enter into the work of the Lord, is completely dis- 
couraged. He has tried to labor faithfully, but find- 
ing no result follow has become disheartened. 
God, encourage him." 

Again, two days afterwards, he says, in reference 



SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 105 

to the death, " I have my fears lest it be suffered to 
pass unimproved. Some whom I have seen, feel 
determined to live anew ; but 0, some others — it 
sickens my heart, it breaks my spirit to see their 
reluctance. my God, if such a terrible calamity 
as this start them not from their slumbers, what 
will ? But we will leave it with thee. Teach us 
our duty as individuals, and may we endeavor to do 
it, though we never see any result. Have mercy 
upon us, God, have mercy upon us." 

God was gracious, and he writes, March 15, 
" The religious feeling is constantly deepening and 
widening. Solemnity is depicted on almost all. The 
recitation-room has become silent almost as the 
grave. No noise, no array of effort, no extra meet- 
ings, and no extra exertion at our regular meetings. 
God works in his own way ; Christians are praying 
much ; they have frequent prayer-meetings, and pray 
when three or four get together ; they are conversing 
on the subject constantly ; their hearts are broken, 
melted, and subdued. Never before, since I have 
been in college, have I seen any thing like such a 
state of feeling on the part of the church. It be- 
comes us to walk carefully before God, lest we grieve 
his Spirit." 

Mr. Porter's anxiety for the progress of this work 
was great. He watched every phase of feeling, 
every particular instrumentality ; now trembling, and 



106 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

now rejoicing. The revival soon became powerful, 
and Mr. Porter's whole soul was enlisted in promot- 
ing it. At the same time he had crowded meetings 
at West Haven, and his heart was cheered by the 
good news from Northfield. He mentions his read- 
ing the life of "Whitefield, and longs to have a spirit 
like his. He deplores again his love of praise, and 
condemns himself as a vile and guilty being. At 
the commencement of the month of April, he says, 
" Blessed be God, I feel that I wish to spend this 
month in more intimate communion with my Maker 
than any hitherto. May the Lord help me so to do. 
All my dependence is on him." 

Mr. Porter made a short visit to Terrysville in the 
month of April, and mentions an incident that oc- 
curred on his way home, with reference to one of the 
converts of the revival there the year before. He 
says, " I went into the house to see the mother, and 
was much gratified to find that her son continued to 
appear well. She said he came home one evening 
when they lived at Terrysville, and as his father was 
sick, he took the Bible, read a chapter, and prayed 
before the whole family. They were greatly sur- 
prised, and his father, though a professor of religion, 
thought it was mere excitement and would soon be 
over. But he has been a growing Christian. His 
mother says he has learned more by studying morn- 
ings and evenings and spare moments, since his con- 



SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 1Q7 

version, than he did before at school. What a won- 
derfully transforming influence does the gospel have 
upon the intellect as well as the heart." 

He also went to Westfield, Mass., where he spent 
his vacation. An extract from a letter to a friend thus 
describes his feelings soon after reaching that place : 

" April 29. — I find here many friends who are 
dear to me, and with whom in former days I have 
taken sweet converse. I find, too, great changes. 
Some have removed far away, and not a few have 
fallen before the destroyer — death. Their spirits are 
now, I trust, among the redeemed, tuning their harps 
in heaven. I feel that I can sing in truth, 

'I would not live alway, I ask not to stay,' etc. 

I have felt sometimes, since coming here, as if I could 
bid death welcome at any time. He looks to me 
more like a pleasing messenger than he did formerly. 
Life looks shorter than ever before, and forcibly re- 
minds me that I must work while it is called to-day. 
It will speedily vanish ; therefore, what we do must 
be done quickly. 

11 Forget not to cultivate your heart. Be holy, as 
God is holy. If you would be truly useful, cultivate 
holiness to the Lord. Other things are important, 
but holiness is indispensable. I feel that I have been 
richly blessed since I have been in this place. My 
soul has been again and again sweetly melted under 



108 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

the influence of the blessed Spirit. My sins have 
been like mountains, but I think I have seen the 
great excellency and beauty of Christ. I have longed 
to become more assimilated to his holy character. 
It is strange that I should ever wander from him, 
but such is my heart, that I do frequently. Let us 
try to keep near to him. Let us aim at the salva- 
tion of souls. Nothing else in this world affords me 
the satisfaction that I derive from a consciousness of 
having been made an instrument through Christ in 
the salvation of a soul. Such I find scattered here 
and there along my pathway. Such I have found 
here, such I found in my way to Terry sville, and 
many such there. For all this I would praise the 
Lord. Let us learn from it to be faithful in future." 
To his mother he writes, May 1, 1839, 

" My dearly beloved Mother — It grieves me to 
think of the disappointment which my absence must 
necessarily occasion you and my dear sisters. But 
what shall I do ? I should delight to come home and 
spend my vacation under our own roof. But is it 
best ? Shall I win as many souls to Christ ? ' A 
prophet,' says our Saviour, ' is not without honor, 
save in his own country.' There is a great deal of 
human nature expressed in this short sentence. I 
have thought many times I could be more useful 
anywhere else than in Norwich. 



SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 109 

" I often think, it will soon be out of my power to 
visit you, and that perhaps I had better spend what 
time I can at home ; and then, again, I think that 
during my vacations I may possibly do as much 
good as when I become a minister ; for if the Saviour 
bless my efforts during vacation in different places, 
there may be as many souls born into the kingdom 
as hi any one place during a year of my coming min- 
istry. I feel, too, that this kind of labor is almost 
as essential in preparing me for usefulness as a min- 
ister of Christ, as my collegiate course. No one can 
imagine the inestimable benefit derived from such a 
course unless he has tried it. I am aware that the 
feelings of nature have to be sacrificed, but the reward 
abundantly compensates. It gives one a warmth of 
heart books cannot afford. It gives an insight into 
human nature which is of great importance to suc- 
cess. It makes him familiar with all classes of soci- 
ety, so that he fears not to enter the habitations of 
the rich and preach to them Jesus, and at the same 
time he becomes conversant with the feelings of the 
poor. He learns not to desire the riches of the for- 
mer, when he sees them almost universally connect- 
ed with so many corroding cares ; while he learns 
from the latter to be content with his lot. It teach- 
es him to sympathize with the bereaved, very many 
of whom he meets in his labors, and prepares him 
to 'bind up the broken-hearted,' pouring into their 



HO CHARLES H. PORTER. 

hearts ' the oil of consolation.' He learns, too, what 
kind of preaching is adapted to mankind generally ; 
he learns wherein ministers excel, and wherein they 
are deficient ; and why it is that some ministers have 
the affection of every family in their congregations. 

" Religion is no fiction ; or if it is, it is a blessed 
fiction, and one which I desire to impart to the whole 
apostate race of man. 0, when it will afford such 
unspeakable satisfaction, such amazing comfort, such 
exultation in a dying hour, such a longing to depart 

and be with Christ, as was exhibited in a Miss B , 

who died a few weeks since in this village" — West- 
field — " surely I would lift up my prayer that it may 
be extended to all. I feel earnestly desirous, if I 
know my own heart, to spend all my time in the 
service of my blessed Redeemer. Such are some of 
the considerations which induce me to spend so many 
of my vacations from home. 

" Believe me, ever to remain, 

" Your affectionate son, 

"CHARLES." 

Mr. Porter's account of the revival in "Westfield, in 
his diary, is dated May 21. 

" Spent the vacation in Westfield. Had a blessed 
time, and God saw fit to magnify the riches of his 
grace in the conversion of fifteen or twenty, as we 
hope. 

" One of the first converts was a little girl about 



SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. HI 

ten or twelve years old. The first time I saw her 
she was in deep distress ; but, as she afterwards told 
me, she was almost angry when I spoke to her. The 
Lord, however, soon subdued her obstinate heart, and 
she has since given pleasing evidence of piety. 

" A young man, who several days was exceedingly 
troubled, and could neither work nor sleep in peace, 
and who fought against the decrees of God, was 
finally brought humbly to the cross. 

" A woman who had not attended one of the meet- 
ings, with whom no one had spoken, and who had 
always shunned ministers, was visited by the Holy 
Spirit, and brought to trust her heart to Christ. Her 
husband, an intemperate, quarrelsome man, was also 
greatly humbled, and now is, to all appearance, a 
Christian — prays in his family, and goes with his 
wife to the meetings. A beautiful sight. I hope it 
may prove indeed a work of grace. 

" A husband who was too proud even to kneel in 
prayer, has been converted, and, so far as man can 
judge, gives evidence of piety. He now prays in his 
family, and we hope walks with God. 

" A young lady, who has been anxious for a year, 
has at length found peace in Christ; and another, 
who has been under deep anxiety most of the time 
for two years, wonders that she was never willing 
to yield before. 

"A young man remained after the meeting one 



112 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

evening, with several others. r He was in very deep 
distress. He continued several days in this state, 
almost despairing of mercy. He had been a drunk- 
ard, though young ; but the Lord had mercy on him." 

Mr. Porter has given quite an extended account of 
the mode he adopted in conversing with individuals 
in this revival, some extracts from which may be in- 
teresting and instructive. 

" I feel that God's Spirit was the prime mover of 
the whole. I felt sensibly that vain was the help 
of man. I have talked sometimes for hours with 
individuals, but I find that it is wholly vain unless 
God sanctify it. Unless He change the heart, it 
cannot be changed. Yet I did not fail to press home 
upon the sinner's conscience the absolute necessity of 
his giving his heart to Christ ; the utter uselessness 
of trying to make his heart better by delay ; his guilt 
in putting it off; his desert of damnation if he neg- 
lected this great, this simple, this excellent, this only 
salvation. I tried to vindicate the character of God, 
and show the sinner as well as I knew how, that he 
himself was entirely to blame for not being a Chris- 
tian, and that if God should cut him down this mo- 
ment and send him to hell, he would be perfectly just. 

" One of the young ladies insisted that she had done 
all she could. I asked her if she was in the habit 
of retiring alone, and upon her knees begging God's 
mercy, and then tried to show her the guilt of living 



SENIOR YB^R IN COLLEGE. 113 

without prayer, and the folly of expecting forgiveness 
without asking it. As I left her, she seemed to feel 
that she was a rehel against God. I met her about 
dusk. She choked for utterance, and asked my for- 
giveness. She came out a sweet, decided, humble 
Christian. 

" I found one young man fighting with God's pur- 
poses : that ' he hath mercy on whom he will have 
mercy, and whom he will he hardeneth ;' again, * My 
word shall not return unto me void, but it shall ac- 
complish that which I please, and it shall prosper hi 
the thing whereto I sent it.' I told him that God's 
word was sent to accomplish the sinner's salvation 
if he regarded it, and his damnation if he rejected it ; 
that it proved a savor of life unto life, or death unto 
death ; that God had mercy on him that confessed 
and forsook his sins ; that God had a right to reign 
and rule, and would do it, whether he opposed or 
not ; that he would not turn aside his designs to suit 
his convenience ; that he designed fire should burn, 
and 'he would not alter a law of nature for the sake 
of accommodating him ; and if he wished to be clear 
of the pain, he must keep out of the fire. So, in 
regard to God's moral law, if he wished to be free 
from the fire of God's wrath, he must yield to God's 
directions, and obey him, and love to obey him, de- 
lighting to leave all at God's own disposal. If he 
could not understand God's purposes, I told him that 

Mem. Porter. 8 



114 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

there was much that he could understand, and that 
he must he willing to wait and learn ; that he could 
understand far more now than when he was a child, 
and if he continued from the present time diligently 
and prayerfully to read the Scriptures for ten or 
twenty years, he would then prohahly see many 
things clearly which he could not now understand. 
That it was unreasonable for a child to look into the 
back part of an arithmetic, and at once reject it be- 
cause he could not understand it, when, by beginning 
right and patiently pursuing it, he might in time un- 
derstand the whole. So with the Bible. If people 
were willing to begin with its most simple parts, and 
gradually learn by patient study and prayer, they 
would in a few years arrive at great knowledge, com- 
pared with their former ignorance. I saw him the 
night I left, and found him in a very different state 
of mind, apparently submissive to the divine will. 
He said hereafter he was determined to devote his 
days to God. He is about seventeen. I directed his 
attention to the ministry.^ 

He proceeds to the detail of other cases, especially 
those illustrating the trials and duties of pious chil- 
dren and of mothers, whose parents or husbands were 
far from God. A daughter, who felt that she could 
never enjoy religion at home, was led first to con- 
verse freely with her mother, and then even to go out 
into the field to speak with her father, and with the 



SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. H£ 

happiest results. A woman who entreated her hus- 
band to pray with his family, and when he refused 
requested the privilege of herself attempting the duty, 
soon found him deeply anxious for his soul; and "in 
a few days he was brought out an humble and de- 
cided Christian, and is now an honor to the Christian 
cause." Of the young lady who faithfully conversed 
with her father, he says, 

" the feelings of that poor child. I knew how 
to sympathize with her from the bottom of my soul. 
Of all the crosses which I ever attempted to take up, 
nothing has been so great as this very thing. Many 
times have I gone to my father on purpose, and gone 
away with a sorrowful heart ; either not having 
spoken at all, or at any rate but a little. Nor have 
I ever yet fully satisfied my conscience on this point. 
It is a delicate thing for a child to take the place 
which a parent ought to occupy ; but, by the grace 
of God, I hope yet to do it." 

His soul appears to be in the enjoyment of com- 
munion with God, and he speaks of the " sweet 
seasons " he had at prayer in the woods, of the "bless- 
ing" which he found while reading the memoirs of 
pious men, and the still more excellent word of God. 
He mentions attending the funeral of a young man, 
and says he had written to the parents of the de- 
ceased, who resided in Canada. " Thought," he 
remarks, "perhaps I may die far from home in a 



116 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

land of strangers, and be buried in a potter's-field. 
Well, a potter's-field is good enough for my body, 
only give my soul a glimpse of Jesus. thou God 
of the universe, thou Saviour of lost sinners, have 
compassion ; wash away my sins, deep and dreadful 
as they are. Thou canst scrutinize them. No other 
being can behold the immeasurable depths of wicked- 
ness. It seems sometimes as if I could not endure 
the sight. thou cleansing Fountain, let me wash 
my guilty, sin-stained robes in thy blood ; then shall I 
be purified." 

He spent the time that elapsed between the senior 
examination for degrees and the commencement, in 
Norwich and its vicinity. Here and at Bozrahville 
he was engaged in attending meetings and visiting 
the people. After commencement he visited New 
York and other places, and mentions that he had 
received an invitation to go to Canada and spend a 
few weeks before commencing his theological studies. 

He had now accomplished one great object on 
which his heart had been set, and by diligent appli- 
cation had obtained those habits of study and other ac- 
quisitions, by which he was qualified to enter upon the 
studies immediately preparatory to the sacred office. 
He had also gained much experience in revivals of 
religion and other departments of labor, and acquired 
that knowledge of human nature which he hoped 
would render him increasingly useful in future years. 



VISIT TO CANADA. H7 

CHAPTER VIII. 

VISIT TO CANADA— LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 

Our readers have observed the feelings with which 
Mr. Porter regarded Canada. For years his thoughts 
had turned to it as a field of future labor ; but he 
seems to have found no opportunity to gratify his 
desire to visit that country. Having now finished 
his collegiate course, and with the vacation before 
him previous to his entrance on his theological stud- 
ies, he resolved to carry his purpose into execution. 
We accordingly find him dating his diary at Bur- 
lington, Yt., on his way to Canada. He says, 

"Aug. 25, 1839.-— I might have been almost or 
quite in Montreal at this time, if I had gone onward. 
Conscience thundered at the thought, and I concluded 
that it was better to obey God than to break the 
Sabbath, though it delayed me two days and made 
quite a difference in the expense. After the decision 
was made, I had one of the most heavenly seasons 
that I have ever enjoyed. At Whitehall, yesterday 
morning, for an hour and a half I had such a season 
of delight hi God as I trust I shall never forget. " 

" New Glasgow, Lower Canada, Aug. 31, 1839. — 
Four or five hundred miles from my home, in a land 
of entire strangers and I am told of very wicked 
people ; English, Scotch, and Irish principally ; no 



US CHARLES H. PORTER. 

minister in the place, and not even a church ; but 
few members of any church, and of those few but a 
small number who we have reason to believe possess 
vital godliness. Desolation reigns. "What may be 
my success in trying to do good among them, I am 
utterly at a loss to conjecture. A sermon about 
twenty minutes long, once in four weeks, is all the 
regular preaching they have. They come out to 
no evening meetings, nor do I know as they can be 
persuaded to do so. Many of the people are given 
to drink. One part of the settlement seems to be 
filled with infidelity ; the leading man among them 
is an infidel, and extremely licentious ; many are 
dependent on him. They are seldom, and some of 
them, I have been told, are never seen at. meeting. 
Yet Christ has here a few humble, devoted, praying 
people, and may God of his infinite mercy answer 
their prayers." 

"Sabbath, Sept. 1, 1839. — The meeting-house 
built of logs. About sixty people came together to 
hear the word of God — were very attentive, morn- 
ing and evening. Some were in tears while I spoke 
to them of a judgment to come. People seem glad 
to see me. Very few of my own countrymen to be 
found ; perhaps three or four out of fifty or sixty." 

" Sept. 2. — I have been visiting this afternoon. 
Find scarcely an American, almost all Scotch and 
Irish. Though they are not like Americans, yet most 



VISIT TO CANADA. 119 

of them are well disposed ; but their manners, habits, 
and language are so different, that I easily realize I 
am in a strange land. As for religion, many of them 
know nothing about it, though there are some very 
intelligent Scotch, formerly in better circles in Scot- 
land. The Lord only knows whether I shall be of 
any use to them." 

" Sept. 8. — A great many at church to-day. House 
almost full. Great solemnity. Truth seems to be 
getting hold of their consciences. The old Scotch- 
men drink in the truth. I spoke to them in the 
morning with great plainness. Brought out and 
exposed their sins, and showed them by the Bible, 
that such as indulged them could -not be saved. I 
expected to offend them, but they bore it much bet- 
ter than I anticipated. Tried to do it tenderly. Se- 
riousness begins to pervade them. They begin to 
converse about divine things, and have even gone so 
far as to appoint a prayer-meeting, a tiling which 
has before been attempted in vain. that the Lord 
would condescend to make bare his arm, pour out his 
Spirit, and bring back poor lost souls to himself." 

" Sept. 9. — Two inquiring sinners have been in 
this morning, and give some evidence of a change of 
heart. A general seriousness begins to pervade the 
people, and the word of God is attended with great 
power. One family have all come out to the meet- 
ings, closing their house, which it is said they have 



120 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

never done before. It is truly wonderful to see what 
effects are produced by but a little of God's truth, 
The Spirit seems to fasten it home. that God 
may do his own work in his own way." 

" Sept. 10. — More persons at the prayer-meeting 
than I expected. A number are inquiring with soli- 
citude, ' Lord, what shall I do to be saved ?' and some 
seem to feel that they have consecrated themselves 
to God. Many Christians are much quickened. They 
not only have a prayer-meeting, but some six or eight 
females have resolved to commence one. Some of 
the most respectable and intelligent heads of families 
seem to be much affected, and those whom it was 
supposed would be most backward. Several came 
from Paisley this evening, three of whom were in- 
quiring sinners. " 

1 ' Sept. 11. — Many begin to feel deeply, and cry 
out with earnestness, ' "What shall I do to be saved?' 
One old man particularly is deeply distressed, and feels 
that he has robbed God. that he may meekly bow 
to Christ. He has long been a member of the church 
of Scotland, but I believe he is now beginning to feel 
for the first time that he is a poor, needy, lost sin- 
ner. that God would speak peace to his soul, and 
bring him out a little child, humble, teachable, de- 
voted, Christlike." 

" Sept. 12. — People begin to ply me with argu- 
ments to stay with them at least until spring. Some 



VISIT TO CANADA. 121 

think it impossible that I have yet three years to 
study. They present various considerations, which 
I confess I find it hard to resist. They bid me look 
at their condition — no regular preaching, wickedness 
prevailing ; then they speak of their unanimity, and 
plead the peculiarity of the Scotch, Irish, English, 
and Americans, and say that even if they can get 
another to labor among them, he may overthrow all 
the good that has been done ; a part may like him 
and the rest not. They appeal to my sense of duty. 
They wish me not to decide at once, to think of it, 
to pray over it. that they would look to God 
instead of man. He can send them a minister after 
his own heart." 

Alluding to his prayer for the conversion of one 
hundred souls at the commencement of the last num- 
ber of his diary, he says, "Had I been faithful, I 
have no doubt God would have made me thus useful. 
But alas, my barrenness. God would have me bring 
forth much fruit. I feel that I have neglected many 
precious opportunities, now lost for ever. Surely I 
am an unprofitable servant. that I may hereafter 
have more of the spirit of my Master, who went 
about doing good. May I have more of his humility, 
more of his love — undying, quenchless love for souls." 

11 Sept. 15. — Great numbers at church to-day. 
This afternoon the seats nearly filled, though it rain- 
ed. This morning the chapel crowded to excess. 



122 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

Many came three or four miles, and some even far- 
ther. All were attentive and solemn as the truth 
was spoken and the great worth of the soul brought 
to view. Many a tear told the feelings of the heart. 
that God would speak. Then would they hear 
and live. Christians seem somewhat revived and 
strengthened." 

"Sept. 16. — Mr. B. prayed in his family last 
night for the first time. He has formerly been a 
deist, and though one of the most intelligent men of 
the place, yet he would cavil, and even swear. He 
took the Bible last evening, and read those passages 
which he had formerly cavilled at and openly denied, 
confessed before his family that they were true, and 
explained their meaning. He read and talked a long 
while, weeping all the time. His daughter, though 
pious, could hardly believe her own eyes and ears. 
Every one is greatly surprised. His wife has been a 
bad-tempered woman, but she is said to be greatly 
changed. Two persons from the tannery went as 
usual to the tavern for liquor, but the tavern-keeper 
sent them off, telling them that he would sell no 
more liquor on the Sabbath : one step I hope to- 
wards something better. Scarcely ever before has 
he been known to go out to meeting, but yesterday 
he attended morning and afternoon, and is said to 
have felt deeply. A woman walked two or three 
miles this morning to inquire about the salvation of 






VISIT TO CANADA. 123 

her soul. Though she has long been a member of 
the kirk of Scotland, yet she says she feels herself to 
be a poor lost sinner, and never has felt so before. 
Surely the Spirit of the Lord is in the midst of this 
people. that they may come to Christ and live." 

" Sept. 18. — A great many at meeting last even- 
ing, even old Mr. L., whose face I never expected to 
see in the chapel." 

He next mentions a visit to a place called West- 
ley ville, where he found a congregation of about sixty 
persons, and says many of them had intended coming 
over to his meetings on the Sabbath, but were pre- 
vented by the rain. He speaks of a young lady as 
" determined by the grace of God to devote her life 
hereafter to his service." The people wished him to 
stay, and many who had never before been out to 
the meetings attended. He says, likewise, that he 
sent word to another place, which he called the hot- 
bed of iniquity, that " if they would appoint a meet- 
ing," he would hold one there ; to which they returned 
an answer that they would. Speaking of them he 
observes, " They work on the Sabbath ; the proprie- 
tor is said to be an extremely bad character." The 
leading men are described as infidels, and many of 
Paine's and Fanny "Wright's works were circulated 
and read there. He writes, " Heard the other day 
that they were dreading me, and went up among 
them visiting. As they were probably expecting me 



124 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

to begin to argue and pull down their opinions, I 
said nothing on the subject — let it alone, and made 
a pleasant visit among them ; and the next evening 
quite a number came down to the meeting." 

He alludes also to some things which he feared 
would divert them from the truth ; mentions other 
conversions, and notices the meetings as crowded, 
and then his record at this place breaks off abruptly, 
so that we are in ignorance of the further results of 
his labors. Probably he left there in time to com- 
mence his theological studies at the beginning of the 
usual term, as we next find him at the Yale Theo- 
logical Seminary, October 28, 1839. 

In his entry of this date, after mentioning that he 
had given a five dollar gold piece to the cause of 
benevolence, he says, " Do not know as I have done 
right, as I owe some money which ought to be paid 
in the course of a few months. But I found this 
on the walk, and it seemed as if I had a right to 
give it away. If necessary, I can pay all by selling 
my books. 

" Set apart this day for fasting, humiliation, and 
prayer, in reference to the tract district and personal 
holiness. I need far more of the spirit of my Master. 
I feel that I am living at a poor dying rate. that 
I may be more holy, and be the means of leading 
many to Christ." 

His next entry shows his solicitude as to the field 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 125 

of his future labors, and refers all to the disposal of 
the great Head of the church. 

" Nov. 17. — 0, when my mind really takes hold of 
the great and rapidly increasing West, it seems as if 
I should be doing Avrong to go to Canada. Were it 
not for the fact that people will go west who will not 
go to Canada, and that Canada is almost entirely 
overlooked, I should not think of it. But why do I 
thus think so much of the field of my labor ? Per- 
haps the good Shepherd will take me home before 
three years have passed away." 

During the winter vacation he was again occupied 
in laboring in a revival. Thus he says, 

"Feb. 4, 1840. — For the last few days I have 
been attending a meeting at North Haven. The 
Lord seems to be doing a great work there." 

To the fidelity and success of his labors in North 
Haven, to which he thus briefly and modestly alludes, 
the Rev. Leverett Griggs, then the pastor, bears the 
following testimony. 

" My acquaintance with brother Porter commenced 
during an extensive and powerful revival of religion 
among the people of my charge. Hearing of the 
religious interest that existed here, he came to enjoy 
the scenes, and see if he could be of any service 
in social meetings. The church were assembled for 
prayer the hour he arrived. Without any introduc- 
tion, he entered the meeting and took part with the 



126 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

brethren. His frank, open, warm, and generous heart 
made many friends almost immediately. ..He spent 
several weeks in the place, when the revival was at 
its height, and visited us frequently for many months 
afterwards. Whenever he was here he was abun- 
dant in labors, attending prayer-meetings and confer- 
ences, and conversing from house to house. 

" His efforts were blessed to many souls. His in- 
strumentality was very important in increasing and 
perpetuating a proper state of feeling in the church. 
He became familiarly acquainted with nearly all its 
members, and with most of the young converts. They 
loved him much, as they had reason to do ; for they 
had been greatly interested and benefited by his la- 
bors. In consequence of his efforts many professors 
were quickened, some impenitent persons awakened 
and converted, and almost all the young converts 
received such useful instructions from him publicly 
and in private, that the name of Charles H. Porter 
will be held by them in everlasting remembrance. 

" While speaking of his labors among my people, 
I must not omit to mention his teachable disposition, 
and the deference he uniformly paid to the ministry. 
All his movements were calculated to strengthen my 
hands and cheer my heart, and increase the attach- 
ment existing between the pastor and the people. 
He manifested no desire to take the direction of af- 
fairs, but was always ready to receive counsel, and 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 127 

serve wherever he could be rendered useful. He had 
a passion for doing good ; his heart was full of be- 
nevolence ; it shone in his countenance, and marked 
his life daily. I scarcely ever met with one who 
does with his might ' whatsoever his hand fmdeth to 
do,' in such a degree as did brother Porter. * He 
w r as a burning and shining light.' " 

About this time Mr. Porter mentions that for some 
weeks he had been attending a meeting in New 
Haven on Saturday afternoons, to pray for a bless- 
ing on the tract distribution, and for a revival of 
religion. Finally several of the tract distributers 
commenced a meeting once a week in a very wicked 
neighborhood. These meetings were doubled, so that 
they met twice a week, and a revival was the conse- 
quence. " Some eight or ten, perhaps more, in that 
district, hope they have found a Saviour." 

He was also engaged a part of the time in a re- 
vival of religion at "Wallingford. In a letter to a 
friend, written from North Haven, he says, 

" I ought, in such a favorable situation as this, to 
grow in grace. I can be of little, very little use 
without it. You know I have but little natural tal- 
ent, and all that I can ever hope to accomplish must 
be through divine grace alone. Therefore pray that 
God may use me for his own glory. He can bless 
small talents, if fully consecrated to his service. May 
the Lord Jesus reign supreme in our hearts." 



128 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

In April he seems to have been somewhat depress- 
ed, as he thus writes, at the beginning of this month, 
" Alas, alas, where am I ? I feel that for months I 
have been straying from the Lord. My time has 
been wasted, my devotions have been too much neg- 
lected and irregular, and my heart hard. God has 
been heaping favors upon me, and I have been un- 
grateful. A miserable minister should I make with 
such a heart. that I may begin anew. Lord, aid 
me in cultivating holiness." 

His next entry is May 15, 1840. "Revival still 
continues at North Haven. Conversions occurring 
almost every week. Several have indulged hope 
within the last two weeks. Brother G-.," the pas- 
tor, " sick, and I am worn down. Leave soon, to be 
gone a fortnight. My purse runs very low, but God 
can provide." God did provide ; for, in a letter a few 
weeks after, he says, " Twelve dollars were handed 
me this day by brother G. of W. It was entirely 
unexpected, but exceedingly welcome." 

He again speaks of his " thoughts turning towards 
Canada ;" says he " awoke before three o'clock think- 
ing of it, and could not sleep again ;" longs " to know 
God's will, to be blessed with a deeper work of 
grace" in his heart, and to have "a closer walk 
with God ;" mourns over Iris inward corruption, and 
prays earnestly for humility as a crowning grace in 
which he feels himself greatly deficient ; and adds, 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 129 

that his soul " sweetly melted at the idea of Christ's 
death for the ungodly," and at his own infinite obli- 
gations to his Saviour. 

In a letter to a friend who was in poor health, 
dated July 30, he says, " How well it is that we 
do not hold our destinies in our own hands. If we 
are disappointed, our hopes wither, and we fade as a 
leaf; but God is not disappointed, and he sees that 
our afflictions, which for the present are not joyous 
but grievous, will afterwards yield the peaceable 
fruits of righteousness to them who are exercised 
thereby. Pray for a spirit which is contented to be 
sick. It requires more grace to be patient and will- 
ing to be sick, than to be active in the cause of Christ 
when well ; and I have sometimes thought that per- 
haps God afflicts his children to show to worldlings 
the excellency of a religion which can make them 
happy even in adverse circumstances. This carries 
to the heart of the worldling the truth of the excel- 
lency of religion. It shows him that he has nothing 
to compare with it, and leads him perhaps unac- 
countably to respect if not desire it. Sickness af- 
fords an opportunity to exercise many graces which 
are not called forth in health ; and it is often observed 
that those who are ripest for heaven are those who 
have been through the fiery furnace. Who knows 
but some part of our character which will afford us 
the highest happiness in heaven, must be developed 



130 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

by afflictions on earth. And how much more deeply 
can they sympathize with Christ, who receive a por- 
tion of such afflictions on earth as he endured ; for 
1 he was a man of sorrows, and acquainted with 
grief He knows well how to sympathize with you, 
for ' he knoweth our frame, he remembereth that we 
are dust.' 'As a father pitieth his children, so the 
Lord pitieth them that fear him.' If we feel so 
deeply for you, how, think you, does Christ feel ? 
"What a blessing to have such a Friend to whom we 
can go." 

In a little more than a year, the person addressed 
stood beside Mr. Porter's dying bed. 

A day or two after, Mr. Porter writes again to the 
same friend. " The Lord permitted me this morn- 
ing to enjoy one of the most sweet and refreshing 
seasons with which I have been favored for a long 
time. I felt that 1 could give myself to him entirely, 
and let him do with- me as he pleased. It seems to 
me that it would be the severest trial that could 
befall me, to be shut out from preaching the gospel. 
But I hope I can say, ' Thy will be done.' It seems 
as if it would be the greatest privilege God could 
bestow to allow me to preach. I can hardly realize 
that he will permit me, so mean, so defiled with sin, 
so ignorant of his will, to stand in the pulpit and 
proclaim salvation to a lost world. Pray for me, 
that I may be baptized of the Holy Ghost. Some- 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 131 

times I long to get out, and were it not for the deep 
consciousness of my almost entire unfitness for the 
work, nothing that I know of would stop me. I 
have felt to-day like a bird with its wings clipped 
and caged for two years in order to give the feathers 
time to grow." 

A few extracts from letters to friends may partially 
supply the deficiency created by the want of entries 
in his diary at this period. The first year of his the- 
ological education was closed, and he had commenced 
his second. In writing to his friend D., in answer 
to the question, " How do you succeed?" he says, 

"Nov. 17, 1840. — I hardly know what to say. 
As to my piety, I feel sensibly that I have but little. 
I am poorly qualified to preach the gospel of Jesus, 
as I expect soon to do. My soul needs to lean far 
more on the Beloved ; I need to learn of him, to 
walk with him, to be imbued with his Spirit, and to 
be filled with his grace. I think I have desires for 
more holiness, and that I love to commune with 
Jesus, and that I try to walk with him. Yet I am 
ashamed of myself, and feel miserably qualified for 
the great work before me. Yet God can help. I 
have little, very little confidence in human learning 
without the teachings of the Spirit. Learning, and 
talents, and eloquence are but vanity without the 
power of God to seal the truths of his word on the 
hearts and consciences of men. I have no hope of 



132 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

doing good without the constant presence and assist- 
ance of that great Being in whose cause I am en- 
gaged ; but with his almighty aid, surely much may 
be done. When therefore, dear brother, you pray for 
me, pray that I may be clothed with humility, be 
filled with his Spirit, and live in such a way that 
God can, through me, accomplish his purposes in the 
salvation of men." 

From a letter to another friend in New York, dated 
December 10, 1840, we take a few extracts. After 
thanking him for his timely aid, he says, " Never 
have I been so pressed for means as since I entered 
the Theological seminary. Yet the Lord has dealt 
bountifully with me." Alluding to a severe bereave- 
ment which his friend had suffered, he expresses his 
sympathy, and says, 

" We have the richest consolation in the death of 
your dear wife. She is now, as we hope, singing the 
songs of Zion ; yes, tuning her golden harp to praise 
King Immanuel ; and for ought we know, she may be 
looking forward to the happy period when she will 
hail you as having passed the dark valley, and ready 
to unite with her in singing the songs of redeeming 
love. She may even now be ministering to your 
wants. She may witness your deep affliction, and 
see how it is working out for you ' a far more exceed- 
ing and eternal weight of glory.' As we know not 
exactly how mind acts on mind, and as we are many 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 133 

times influenced by other minds, who have them- 
selves premeditated and brought about a given course 
of action, while we, it may be, thought the whole 
execution our own ; so perhaps those who have gone 
to heaven may influence us, may in some way pre- 
sent motives which will lead us to a certain course 
of action. It is possible that the angels who watch 
over souls, and carry back the glad tidings to heaven 
of a sinner's conversion, and the great cloud of wit- 
nesses, Heb. 12 : 1, who were once saints on earth, 
Heb. 11, may influence us; and it is possible that 
your dear companion, who is now one of that ' great 
cloud of witnesses,' may be watching over and bless- 
ing you. Whether this be so or not, there is One 
who is far superior, far better — even Jesus — who 
watches over you ; and, dear brother, though he try 
you hi the deep furnace of affliction, yet it is best, to 
purify and purge away the dross, and fit you for 
heaven. Those who have no afflictions may be back- 
ward to leave earth ; but the deeper the trials, the 
more exceedingly precious will be the delivery from 
them." 

On the occasion of the same death, Mr. Porter ad- 
dressed a letter to the mother of the deceased. 

" Gone to rest. Happy spirit ! what a treasure 
have you now in heaven. Did you love before to 
think of Jesus, of the spirits of the just made per- 
fect in heaven ? methinks you now have an addi- 



134 CHARLES II. PORTER. 

tional treasure there. The shepherd, when he can- 
not drive his sheep from the lowlands to the moun- 
tain tops to feed, can easily cause them to follow him, 
by taking a lamb in his arms and leading the way. 
So with the great Shepherd of Israel. If he find 
that we love to dwell beloiv, he can soon call us 
upward in our thoughts and feelings, by transplant- 
ing a lamb into the paradise of God. Yes, my dear 
sister, I believe that God cuts off the-se creature com- 
forts, that our pathway to the tomb may be more 
easy, that we may have a more ardent attachment 
to the heavenly world, that our feelings may be sub- 
dued, and that we may by these trials be the better 
prepared for the rest which remaineth for the people 
of God. 

" I am glad to mingle my sympathies and prayers 
with yours on this occasion. There is another also 
who will sympathize with you. It is He who wept 
at the grave of Lazarus ; He who hath ' borne our 
griefs and carried our sorrows,' who was ' wounded 
for our transgressions, and bruised for our iniquities.' 
Yes, Jesus will sympathize with you, and you will 
not be forgotten by the holy One of Israel ; for, ' like 
as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth 
them that fear him.' And he will never ' afflict 
willingly, nor grieve the children of men.' Nor will 
he be unmindful of our frailty, for ' he remembereth 
that w T e are dust.' " 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 135 

An interesting letter to his friend D bears 

date, New Britain, Dec. 18, 1840. He writes, 

" You may ask why I am here. About three 
weeks since, a revival commenced in this place, and 
has been peculiarly interesting for about two weeks. 
How many conversions there have been I am unable 
to say, but the number is large, and there are many 
anxious. The pastor being in feeble health, sent to 
the seminary for assistance. Dr. Taylor recom- 
mended the young man to apply to me. According- 
ly I have come here to spend a few days in a most 
interesting work of grace. I shall not probably re- 
main more than a week, if I do as long." 

" Dec. 19. — I spent the forenoon yesterday in visit- 
ing from house to house in one of the outer districts. 
I found some converts, and many either thoughtful 
or anxious. At half past two they met in a school- 
house. I talked to them about the judgment. The 
house was very full, and the people solemn ; many 
tears fell, and it was manifest that God was there. 
In the evening a meeting was appointed for those 
who had lately hoped, and those who were anxious. 
It appears that the interest has greatly increased 
within a week, for upon the same evening of last 
week but about thirty were present, and last evening 
there were about seventy. They were of all classes 
and ages, though not many were above forty or fifty 
years old. There were many young men, heads of 



136 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

families, and some of the most respectable and influ- 
ential in the place. Many feel deeply, and we hope 
that the Holy Spirit will lead them to Christ." 

After answering some inquiries of his friend respect- 
ing his pecuniary wants, he adds, 

" After all, I consider these trials as nothing, abso- 
lutely nothing, in comparison with the great object 
before me. I am really quite ashamed to speak of 
them. I would cheerfully undergo all, and a hun- 
dred times more, to have the inestimable and glorious 
privilege of laboring for my dear Redeemer. Floods 
of tears roll down my cheeks as I think of being per- 
mitted to labor as an ambassador in his vineyard. 
Oh, how I bless the Lord my God for leading me to 
that decision. Next to the period when I gave my 
soul to Christ, I count that the most sacred and 
blessed moment of my life, in which I consecrated 
myself to the great work of the ministry. It was a 
great struggle to give up for ever the idea of wealth, 
of ease, of worldly comfort ; to think of being depen- 
dent on charity for nine long years, and of living in 
poverty all my life ; but 0, the blessedness of that 
moment! Never, never have I regretted it. My 
peace has at times flowed like a river, and God has 
been pleased — yes, I desire to say it in humility 
and praise — my God has been pleased greatly to 
bless my poor efforts to do his will. I weep as I 
think of his wonderful kindness, of his great conde- 






LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 137 

scension. It seems wonderful that he should so sig- 
nally bless one so poorly qualified to labor for him, 
one so sinful ; but, praise to his name, he has blessed 
me, and seldom has he permitted me to labor a sin- 
gle week in a place without giving me souls for my 
hire. It makes me ashamed, to think of my deep 
ingratitude and the poor returns which I have made 
to him ; but 0, it comforts me to think that God 
loves his dear Son, and though we are infinitely un- 
worthy, yet, for his sake, he will be pleased to bless 
us. It is a great, great comfort that God can use 
' the weak tilings of this world to confound the 
mighty.' I am conscious of the inferiority of my 
natural talents. I am aware that many of my 
brethren have far superior, and I bless God for it. 
I ask for not one more than I have. All I ask is, 
that he will give me grace properly to improve them. 
Feeling thus, it is a great comfort to think he can 
make use of them, though feeble, to promote his 
glory." 

On entering another, and, as it proved, the last 
year of his life, his feelings seem to have turned with 
mcreased strength to the conversion of his parents 
and relatives. In a letter to his father, dated, 
"Hartford, Jan. 7, 1841," he writes, 

" My dearly beloved Father — You are proba- 
bly aware, that ever since my conversion to God, I 
have had great anxiety for my beloved friends. My 



138 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

prayers have ascended day and night for their eon- 
version. I acknowledge that I have not prayed as 
much as I ought, or as earnestly as I might, nor 
have I had that faith in God which I ought ; yet, by 
his grace, I will continue to pray for them, but for 
you hi particular. Morning, evening, and at noon, 
will I pray to God that he will convert your soul 
to himself. You have ever been to me a kind father ; 
and, excepting pious instruction, the best of fathers. 
I hope ever to return a grateful heart, but can never 
hope to repay the trouble which I have cost you. 

" I know not what I can do better, or how to 
make a better return, than to ask my heavenly Fa- 
ther to bless you, to give you a new heart, to shed 
abroad his Holy Spirit upon your soul, to give you 
the unspeakable consolations of religion. I hope 
soon to see a new family in Christ; to see my dear 
father, whose locks are whitened with more than 
threescore years, taking the Bible from its long re- 
pose, reading the word of God to his family, kneel- 
ing before the mercy-seat in the midst of them, and 
imploring pardon and a blessing. Oh, I imagine 
that, by the eye of faith, I behold the joy of a family 
redeemed. Yes, God is faithful, and in him I trust. 
My dear, dear father, shall not God be praised in 
our family ? As ever, I remain, 

" Your affectionate and beloved son, 

« CHARLES." 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 139 

These extracts have been introduced not only as 
descriptive of Mr. Porter's tender faithfulness to those 
whom he loved, and who he feared were still un- 
reconciled to God, but in the hope that those alike 
who knew him, or who were strangers and who may 
read these pages, may breathe forth their prayer for 
the object on which Iris heart was so much set — the 
spiritual welfare of his friends at home. His own 
lips are now sealed in silence ; but the record of his 
feelings may be the means, through the prayers of 
others, of bringing to pass that dearest wish of his 
heart. 

In another long letter, dated Jan. 27, 1841, he 
urges the subject again on his father's attention, and 
uses the most earnest expostulation to induce him to 
examine it as it deserved. He says, hi closing, 

" Alas, alas, that a child should take the place of a 
parent ; but 0, I must do it, and entreat you by the 
deathless interests of your own immortal soul ; by 
the value of the souls which GJ-od hath committed to 
your charge, and for which you must give an ac- 
count ; by all that is dear for time and eternity, that 
you will neglect this subject no longer. Forgive me, 
if I have said any thing to wound your feelings, but 
I do plead most earnestly, that you will not reject 
the salvation which has been purchased by the blood 
of the Son of God. Oh, my father, my father, can 
you reject Jesus Christ, that blessed Saviour, who for 



140 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

the sins of men has bled and died ? Will you refuse 
to worship in your family that God on whom you 
are dependent for every breath you draw, and for 
every blessing you enjoy?" 

About the same time, probably, as the letter is not 
dated, he wrote a long letter to his mother, full of 
argument and counsel, and the most urgent and af- 
fectionate entreaty. He concludes this letter in these 
words : 

" For months, if I mistake not, have I borne our 
beloved family on my heart to God in prayer, morn- 
ing and evening; nor do I mean to cease till they 
are either converted to God, or we are laid cold and 
lifeless in the tomb. 

" Believe me to retain, as ever, the most deep, 
sincere, and ardent affection for my beloved mother ; 
and may God permit us yet to reign together, heirs 
of God through Jesus Christ our Lord, during the 
ceaseless ages of eternity. 

"CHARLES H. POETEE,." 

There was now evidently a growing earnestness 
in his endeavors to become fitted for the great work 
before him. He felt that ere long he must come forth 
as a commissioned servant of God to preach to dying 
souls. He had a deep sense of the responsibility un- 
der which he was to be placed, and trembled at the 
thought of his own deficiency. In a letter to a friend 
to whom he was accustomed to unveil his feelings 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. HI 

in the most intimate manner, dated Hartford, Jan. 
18, he writes, 

" I think that I am learning slowly how to live. 
I have not studied the word of God sufficiently. 
The key to the proper study of the* Bible is found in 
Proverbs 2:1-6. I have not taken up religion as 
the great, only, and all-absorbing subject, and read 
my Bible and sifted it, and ' cried after knowledge, 5 
and ' searched,' as I ought. Alas, how can I ever 
be a minister of Christ ? I must make it my busi- 
ness to follow the leadings of the Spirit, learn God's 
word, and how to apply it to the hearts of men ; and 
why may not God make use of me in the salvation 
of thousands ? 

" Alas, I know I am a worm ; a poor, weak ves- 
sel. But God is pleased to use the weak things of 
the world to confound the mighty ; and I am more 
and more convinced, that it does not require great 
talents to convert this world to God. No, only let 
the common talent be consecrated to God, and he 
can work mightily to the pulling down of strong holds. 
0, that the few talents the Lord has been pleased to 
give me, may be entirely consecrated to his service ; 
then I am certain, that he could greatly use them 
to his glory. I never can be the instrument of lead- 
ing thousands to Christ without great consecration. 
0, that I might be so filled with love to God, have 
so ardent an attachment to the blessed Jesus and to 



142 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

poor dying souls, that all my time, all my talents, 
all my bodily and mental powers shall be entirely 
and for ever devoted to his service." 

In Mr. Porter's next letter to his friend D , 

Feb. 10, 1841, acknowledging the receipt of clothing 
and money, for which he is most grateful, he says, 
" I have for many months groped in darkness, not 
knowing which way to turn, and sometimes think- 
ing that I should have to relinquish months and per- 
haps a year or more of study ; but I have reason to 
bless the Lord that he has permitted me the prospect 
of completing my studies. You know I have always 
been an advocate for a thorough course, and I have 
no reason to regret that I have prosecuted mine, be- 
ginning at the foundation, though it requires some 
patience, and makes me rather old." " Time is fly- 
ing ; and what I do must be done quickly. A few 
short years, and we shall be standing before God in 
judgment." 

In a letter to the same friend, dated March 22, 
he says, 

"My health is hardly as good as usual. My 
strength has been exhausted in revivals of religion. 
When I returned from Hartford, I was requested to 
give the Park-street church, in New Haven, an ac- 
count of the revival. I did so. They then wished a 
meeting the next evening. I consented. Then they 
wished another; and so on~ through the week. At 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 143 

the close of the week, God seemed evidently to be in 
the midst of us ; the church seemed to feel so, and 
some were serious and inquiring what they should do 
to be saved. Soon, a little boy was indulging a hope ; 
also a medical student, and a class-mate who gradu- 
ated with me ; but my throat became sore, and the 
doctor said I must give up laboring altogether." 

He then speaks of the powerful revival which was 
in progress in the city, by which multitudes — infidels, 
Universalists, drunkards, and gamblers even — were 
awakened and turned to God. Of his health, he 
adds, " I apprehend nothing serious. If I could be 
contented to rest a little by and by, I think my sys- 
tem would be restored to its accustomed elasticity. 
If I am careful, I presume I shall find no further dif- 
ficulty." He writes also, that he had been expecting 
to get a license to preach, but that on further con- 
versation with his instructors he concluded to delay 
it till the regular time, the next summer. It must 
have been a severe trial to Mr. Porter to be so laid 
aside from successful labor, at a time when there was 
so general an interest in the subject of religion. 

The following extracts are from a letter to his 
mother, dated March 26 : 

" My dearly beloved Mother — It seems as if 
every revolving year increased my affection for you. 
It may be only because I become more sensible of 
the affection which has always existed. I have been 



144 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

expecting to visit home in a few days, but I shall 
prohably now postpone it till vacation. My pecun- 
iary affairs are in a better state than they have been 
for years. I have received this winter and spring 
about a hundred and seventy-five dollars, which has 
more than paid off all my debts. A hundred and 
fifty dollars of this I may perhaps return, if I ever 
get able ; but if not, it will not be required. 

" My health I do not think as good as usual. 
One reason is, that I have been somewhat exhausted 
in revivals, and another undoubtedly is, that ' I have 
great heaviness and continual sorrow in my heart 
for my brethren, my kindred according to the flesh.' 
Romans, cha^ 9." He proceeds as usual with the 
most tender and urgent expostulation, laboring as 
one who must give account of himself to God — with 
great plainness and seriousness setting forth the truth 
as it is in Christ, and manifesting how deeply he 
longed to have those whom he loved, sharers in the 
same belief and blessings which were his own. 

" April 4. — Enjoyed this day one of the sweetest 
communion seasons, if not the very sweetest, that I 
have ever enjoyed ; even sweeter, if possible, than 
in the days of my espousals to Christ. My inter- 
course with God for some weeks has been greatly 
increasing. Sweet, heavenly peace has frequently 
filled my heart. I have nevertheless felt totally un- 
worthy to preach the gospel ; and it seems frequently 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 115 

as if God could not honor me so highly as to let me 
preach and win souls to him. A great revival is 
now in progress in this city. Hundreds have already 
indulged hope ; perhaps fifty or sixty in college ; 
many hardened, abandoned infidels in town are also 
converted." 

In all these scenes Mr. Porter rejoiced greatly, and 
bore an active part. He spent his vacation in his 
native place, where he sought with more than usual 
activity to make his influence felt as a Christian, 
and to awaken a deeper interest in the people of God. 
After having obtained the concurrence of the pastor 
of the church, he attended and led in some neigh- 
borhood conferences and prayer-meetings. But he 
was too much exhausted to prosecute his design, and 
was obliged to abandon it. 

On May 3d, he writes to a friend, from Norwich, 
" Pray for me, for I greatly need your prayers. I 
never recollect having felt such trials ; I never have 
been borne down with a sense of the worth of pre- 
cious immortal souls as I have for those in this parish. 
It has seemed sometimes as if I should sink, for it 
may almost be said by every impenitent man, ' No 
man careth for my soul V Perhaps you say, ' What 
do you intend to do ?' I intend, by the grace of God, 
* in the morning to sow the seed, and in the evening 
to withhold not the hand, inasmuch as I know not 
whether shall prosper, either this or that, or whether 

Mem. Porter. 1 



140 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

both sliall be alike good.' Mine is the labor, the 
result is God's." 

In a letter to his friend D , June 12, Mr. Por- 
ter mentions a project — which he had been for some 
time maturing, and to which he had made occasional 
allusions — of devoting himself to missionary service 
in Iowa. He says, 

" I am thinking of being licensed about the first 
of next month ; then I hope to study another month 
or six weeks ; after which, for two or three months, I 
should be glad to supply some pulpit." " I should 
be glad to have you inquire of Mr. Badger respecting 
home missions. I have been thinking of late of going 
to the West, perhaps the far "West, beyond the Mis- 
sissippi, to Iowa. I might possibly, if absolutely 
necessary, go this fall, though the strong probability 
is, that if I go, I shall not leave before spring. Is it 
probable that next spring a missionary will be warrt- 
ed for Iowa ? If so, at what place, etc. ? I have 
thought that I should like to devote some time in 
preaching on home missions, till the people get inter- 
ested in the subject. It seems to me that New Eng- 
land is all asleep in regard to home missions. It 
rejoices my soul to hear that the Society are going 
to try to raise $50,000 more this year than the last., 
I wish it could be $500,000 ; and if the people of 
New England felt half the obligation which rests 
upon them, they would give it. It seems to me, that 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 147 

unless Christians of this country are willing to sacri- 
fice much to preserve our religious privileges and hand 
them down to posterity, G od will overthrow our bless- 
ed institutions, and curse us with spiritual famine and 
desolation from one end of the land to the other. 

" If the Lord should ever see fit to send me to the 
West, I have been thinking whether there are not 
twenty merchants who would combme to give twen- 
ty dollars each to support me, and whether, by such 
an example, twenty more might not soon be found 
to support another, and twenty mechanics to support 
another, and so on ; or whether a church, or two 
or three churches, might not combme and send one. 
Might not some such plan be pursued, so that great 
multitudes might be sent who now stay here ? 

" I have not yet decided to go. It would be a 
very great grief to my dear parents and friends to 
have me go ; but 0, when I think of the coming 
myriads that are soon to pass through that great 
valley on their way to judgment, I ought to be will- 
ing to forsake father and mother, brother and sister, 
though it be like sundering the cords of life. My 
dear brother died, a year after graduating, hundreds 
of miles from his father's house, not one of his friends 
near him ; and if I were to go, they might expect me 
soon to follow him ; but I count not my life dear to 
me, as I humbly hope, if so be that I may win Christ, 
and souls to Christ." 



148 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

Mr. Porter, with three fellow-students, was licensed 
to preach the gospel, July 28, 1841, "by the Associa- 
tion of New London county. Speaking of this event, 
he writes, under this date, in his diary, " Thus, after 
eight years of continued study and labor, have I been 
permitted by the grace of God to enter on this holy 
calling. To it I have looked with great delight, and 
I would call on my soul and all that is within me to 
praise and bless his holy name. I feel, however, 
miserably qualified to discharge its responsible duties. 
I feel that I need more piety, more knowledge, more 
judgment, and, in short, more of every thing that 
constitutes a good and useful minister of the Lord 
Jesus Christ. " v 

In confirmation of his sense of responsibility thus 
expressed, a friend says, " In his room I found at- 
tached to his book-case door, where he was in the 
habit of writing, the following sentence : ' In pre- 
paring sermons, let me never inquire what estimate 
men will put upon them now, but how God will re- 
gard them at the judgment-day.' " 

Another says, " In the last interview I had with 
him before his being licensed to preach, observing 
how pale and feeble he looked, I urged him, with 
some degree of warmth, to take care of his health. 
1 If I should not live long,' said he, ' it will all be 
well ;' and, after pausing a moment, he added, ■ I 

FEEL THAT I HAVE BUT ONE OBJECT TO LIVE FOR, AND 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 149 

THAT IS, TO TAKE AS MANY SOULS TO HEAVEN WITH ME 
AS I POSSIBLY CAN.' " 

The Lord, however, saw fit to remove him just as 
he was stepping on the threshold of his profession. 

A few records in his diary, and a short extract 
from a letter, are all that we have to add hefore we 
come to his death-bed. For some Sabbaths after his 
receiving a license, he preached in Terrysville. This 
must have been an interesting scene of labor for him. 
Here he had been the means of winning souls to 
Christ ; this people had taken a deep interest in his 
success, and had been looking forward to the time 
when they should enjoy his services in leading their 
worship. Now that wish was gratified. The clos- 
ing notices of his diary are all dated at this place. 
The entries, for the most part, are brief, but they 
show the labors in which he was engaged, and the 
subjects of his discourses. 

" Terrysville, July 31 . — Left Norwich 29th inst., 
and intended to have been here yesterday ; but some 
of my friends in Hartford, who had formerly lived in 
West Hartford, urged me to go out there and preach 
last evening, as they had no minister. Preached 
from John 15:4,' Abide in me.' " 

"Aug. 1. — Preached in the morning from Acts 
27 : 31, ' Except these abide in the ship,' etc. ; after- 
noon, from Amos 6:1,' Woe to them that are at 
ease in Zion.' All dead. Scarcely a conversion for 



150 CHARLES II." PORTER. 

three years. Can learn of but two during that 
period. 

"Aug. 3. — Tuesday evening meeting — pretty good 
number out. Preached from Heb. 13 : 17, ' They 
watch for souls.' Solemn, but nothing special. Have 
been writing during the forenoons on Heb. 2 : 3, £ How 
shall we escape,' etc. Yisited some families in the 
afternoons. Find here and there a person serious. 

" Aug. 5. — Preached this evening on Town-hill, 
from Eccl. 11 : 6, 'In the morning sow thy seed/ 
etc. Greatly favored — preached remarkably easy — 
quite a good number out. 

" Aug. 6. — Preached at the centre school-house, 
from Titus 1:16,' They profess that they know God/ 
etc. Room dark — body fatigued — dull. 

" Aug. 7. — Finished sermon. Worked at it all 
the forenoons of the week, and a great part of the 
afternoons. Needs another week of labor to make 
it a decent sermon. Visited somewhat during the 
week — find a little seriousness. Some Christians are 
feeling more. Some begin to think about a revival. 

" Aug. 8, 1841. — This day am thirty years of age. 
Is it possible? How time flies. A few days, and I am 
gone. Thirty years ! Perhaps I may live Jive years 
more. Lord, so teach me to number my days that 
I may apply my heart unto wisdom. Preached from 
Heb. 2:3, in the morning. Very solemn ; many 
tears, especially towards the close. Afternoon, sub- 



LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 151 

ject, the rich man and Lazarus. More solemn and 
still. Tears all over the house. Some reason to 
hope that God is about to revive his work. Even- 
ing, preached from Prov. 28 : 13, 'He that covereth 
his sins,' etc. It was an awfully solemn time to 
many. that God may break their hearts and lead 
them to himself. He only knows what he intends 
to do. that he would send down the Holy Spirit, 
and do his own blessed work. One female professes 
to have given her heart to the Saviour. If it is so, to 
God be all the honor, praise, and glory, world with- 
out end. Amen. 

" Aug-. 9. — A meeting was appointed this evening 
for those who wished to converse particularly on the 
subject of religion. Eleven were present — all young. 
Nearly all felt deeply, and three or four, about sixteen 
or eighteen years of age, seemed to think they had 
consecrated themselves to the Lord. May the Lord 
preserve them, and lead them to be his sincere follow- 
ers. A number are serious who were not present. " 

This is the last entry in Mr. Porter's diary. He 
left Terrysville soon after this on a visit to his broth- 
er, then residing in Syracuse, N. Y. His state of 
health probably rendered this necessary. 

In giving an account of this visit, his brother says, 
" After taking tea on Friday evening, August 20, we 
went to a singing-school, and afterwards stepped into 
a temperance meeting, the first of the Washingtonian 



152 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

efforts in that place. After reaching home, the bells 
rung for fire. "We started, but, before reaching the 
place, turned to go home, as the fire seemed to be 
subsiding, when suddenly we heard the explosion of 
gunpoiuder '." 

This was that dreadful event, the account of which 
was published at the time in the public journals, 
which occasioned the death of twenty-five persons. 
Mr. Porter preached on the evening of the following 
Sabbath, in the Rev. Dr. Lansing's church. The 
next week he left for New Haven. A short extract 
from a letter to a friend, dated at Cooperstown, Ot- 
sego county, Aug. 27, 1841, probably on his return, 
gives us his last record. 

" that we might always be submissive to our 
Father's will ; that our thoughts and desires might 
all be in conformity to his sovereign pleasure. I have 
yet to learn the way of holiness. How poorly pre- 
pared am I to preach the gospel. Pray that I may 
be a workman rightly dividing the word of truth, 
and that I may win souls to Christ." 

Mr. Porter, on his arrival at New York, made 
some appointments to preach, but was suddenly 
called to New Haven by the sickness of a friend. 
He there took cold, while watching with a sick child. 
This was followed by a dysentery, from which he 
never recovered. The account of his sickness and 
death will be given in the next chapter. 



THE CLOSING SCENE. 153 

CHAPTER IX. 

THE CLOSING- SCENE. 

We have thus traced Mr. Porter from his entrance 
into the fold of Christ, through the difficulties he had 
to encounter in his preparatory, collegiate, and theo- 
logical studies, to his becoming a commissioned ser- 
vant of the Redeemer. We have seen him beginning 
to preach the gospel in public, and maturing his plans 
to become a missionary to the far west. We now 
come to his sick-bed and dying hour. 

There is a natural desire in the human bosom to 
know how a fellow-being dies. The death-bed is ever 
a solemn place where lessons may be gathered for the 
living ; and that of the Christian especially presents 
scenes that sometimes border on heaven. It is not 
the privilege of all to rise triumphantly in raptures 
of delight and with visions of glory full before them, 
or to sink calmly to rest, undisturbed by pain, and 
peaceful as the infant's slumber. There is the aching 
brow, the painful sense of debility, and the distracted 
mind, from which even the child of God is not ex- 
empted. Nor is it necessary that a peaceful and 
quiet death-bed, or a scene of surpassing triumph in 
the last hour, should crown the well-spent life. 
Whitefield, in reference to his dying testimony, once 
remarked that he had preached Christ a living tes- 



154 CHARLES II. PORTER. 

timony. Such had been the aim, in all his labors, 
of Charles H. Porter. 

The closing scene of Mr. Porter's life, however, 
was deeply interesting. Two accounts have been 
furnished by different individuals, both of which will 
here be given. The former of these is somewhat 
general, and traces the progress of the disease till its 
fatal termination ; the latter is a fuller and more par- 
ticular description of the state of his mind during his 
illness and in the prospect of death. 

" Mr. Porter returned to New Haven from New 
York, Saturday evening, September 4, 1841. The 
week following, and the next week until Friday, he 
spent with sick friends in New Haven and North 
Haven, and with gratitude saw them recovering from 
the borders of the grave. On Friday he began to 
complain of illness, and on Saturday, Sept. 18, was 
obliged to take his bed. His disease — dysentery — at 
first assumed a very mild form. 

" On Wednesday morning, the 22d, there appeared 
to be a great excitement of the nervous system, which 
caused much suffering, and continued in a greater or 
less degree until Friday afternoon, the 24th, when it 
increased so much as for three hours to deprive him 
of reason. His mind at this time seemed occupied 
with the work to which he had consecrated him- 
self. His desire was to preach, and his efforts to do 



THE CLOSING SCENE. 155 

it so great as entirely to exhaust his remaining 
strength. 

11 On Wednesday he first spoke of his situation as 
being one of danger. Viewing it thus, he said, * Had 
I served Christ as I ought, my disease would not give 
me any anxiety.' When asked if it did, he replied, 

I Not much.' " 

A friend who spent the day with him on Thurs- 
day, thus writes : " On Thursday morning I found Mr. 
Porter so low from faintness as to he unable to con- 
verse. After some time he said, in a low whisper, 

I I will talk with you as soon as I have recovered 
from my faintness.' About an hour after, finding he 
was somewhat revived, I asked him if he thought he 
should recover. He replied, ' I have thought so, but 
I do not feel as well this morning ; yet the doctor 
speaks encouragingly, and I think, with good care, I 
shall soon be better.' 

M He was rather restless until two o'clock P. M., 
when he fell asleep and slept quietly for about ten 
minutes. He awoke in great distress, sprang up in 
the bed, and said he was dying. He called for some 
members of the family, who came immediately into 
the room, when he bade them farewell, said he was 
called unexpectedly away, but added, ' It is all right ; 
I only desire to live to preach the gospel, but God 
knows what is best.' I said to him, ' I think you are 
not dying, and I hope that the Lord has work for you 



156 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

to do on earth; if so, he will raise you up.' He 
replied with much earnestness, and with a counte- 
nance more expressive than language, ' God has work 
in heaven for his children.' I said, ' There is a world 
to be converted through human instrumentality, and 
I hope you will he spared to labor for its conversion.' 
He replied, ' I have unconverted friends for whom I 
have labored and prayed, but without effect, and my 
death may be the means employed for their conver- 
sion ; if so, I shall not die in vain.' He then left a 
message for his parents, brother, and sisters. 

" During the evening, as he lay with his eyes 
closed, apparently asleep, I remarked to a friend sit- 
ting with me, that Mr. Porter had not left his work 
to be done when he entered the ministry, but had 
labored during all his preparatory course. He open- 
ed his eyes, and said, ' It was poor labor, but God has 
accepted it.' 

" At another time he said, ' Tell my parents I am 
not sorry I prepared for the ministry. I commenced 
my studies without knowing how I should get along ; 
but God has raised me up friends in a wonderful 
manner. I have always been provided for ; and if 
God calls me away just as I am ready to preach, it 
is because it is best.' 

" I called again on Saturday and found him fail- 
ing. Upon my inquiring how he felt, he replied, 
1 Not as well as I was when you left me yesterday 



THE CLOSING SCENE. 157 

morning. I think God designs to take me home 
soon.' 'Has death any terrors to you?' ' ]N"o, not 
any. I rely on the merits of Christ alone. I have 
no righteousness of my own.' 

"On Sabbath morning as I entered his chamber 
he gave me his hand with a smile, and in reply to 
my inquiry how he was, he said, ' Slightly better than 

I was yesterday, but a great deal better than I was 
that dreadful Friday.' His recollection of those hours 
was painful in the extreme. He feared lest he had 
said and done things that would do hurt — that were 
dishonorable to religion. The assurance that he was 
not accountable for what he did at that time, seemed 
to impart relief and comfort : ' I knew God would 
not lay it up against me, but was afraid of the effect 
upon those present.' He spoke of its being the Sab- 
bath, listened with emotion and apparent pleasure 
to the ringing of the church-bells, and remarked, 

I I shall enjoy the day, because it is the Sabbath.' 
Through the day he lay far more quiet than on any 
preceding day, entering into no conversation except 
as necessity required. 

" About half past five P. M. he suddenly raised 
himself in bed and desired to walk across the floor, 
but as suddenly lay back again, when it was evident 
that death had fastened his icy hand upon him, and 
congealed the fountain of life ; the silver cord was 
loosed, the golden bowl breaking, the spirit fluttering 



158 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

on the confines of time, the threshold of eternity. 
For two hours he remained insensible, at the close of 
which he revived, and like Bunyan's pilgrim, when 
about half way through the Jordan of death, he stood 
awhile and talked to his companions that had waited 
upon him thither. Precious moments were they to 
those gathered in that chamber of death, and the re- 
membrance of them is sweet. After those hours of 
converse he again became insensible, and about half 
past eleven his spirit returned to Him who gave it. 

" Carrying out the great desire of his life- — to 
preach- — he wished the words, 'Prepare to meet 
thy God,' put upon his tombstone. 

" Mr. Porter during his sickness gave directions 
concerning the disposal of his effects, making provis- 
ion for the payment of his debts by the sale of his 
library, and designating a few volumes for friends." 

The following account was furnished by a friend 
of Mr. Porter, who visited him several times during 
his sickness, and with whom he conversed more free- 
ly than with any one else. She had, through his 
course of study, been to him as a mother, and was 
deeply interested in all his pursuits and interests. 

" In attempting to pen some of my recollections of 
the sick and dying bed of our dear departed friend, I 
feel how utterly unable I am to convey to others the 
interest I have felt. One must have seen his ani- 



THE CLOSING SCENE. 159 

mated countenance, irradiated with the sweet smile 
of affection, and heard his heavenly expressions of 
joyful submission to the will of God, to have any 
adequate impressions of the scene. To repeat now 
his many words of comfort, peace, and joyful antici- 
pation, seems almost a vain attempt. They came 
from his lips with such an unction, that to be per- 
mitted to breathe that atmosphere of light and love, 
seemed quite on the verge of heaven. 

" As soon as I learned that he was in danger, I 
hastened to him. On my approach to his bedside, 
extending his hand, he said with a sweet smile, ' Ah, 
how good you are to come to me again. Are you 
able to sit by me to-day ? I have much to say to 
you, as the Lord shall give me strength to say it.' 
I expressed my regret to see him worse, and said I 
thought that he was going to recover. ■ I thought 
so too,' said he, ' when you were here the other day ; 
but now I feel that God has other designs respecting 
me, than permitting me preach his gospel on earth. 
0, how I have longed to preach the glorious gospel, 
and try to save souls from death. You know how I 
have toiled, and labored, and prayed for it ; and now, 
just as I was entering upon the work, my heavenly 
Father is going to lay me aside.' I said, ' I cannot 
think so ; I trust this sickness is not unto death.' ' It 
may not be,' said he ; ' but my prevailing impression 
is, that my work on earth is done. And if it is so, 



160 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

I can say with all my heart, " Thy will, God, be 
done." I rejoice to be in the hands of him who is 
infinite in wisdom, and who does all things well.' 

" Seeing me much affected, he said, ' Do not dis- 
tress yourself, you will be sick. Are you not willing 
that I should go home ? 0, the glories that await 
me in my Father's house. I would not live alway 
on earth; would you?' On my saying that I had 
hoped to trace his course for many years in the min- 
istry, he replied, ' If God has any thing more for me 
to do on earth, be assured he will raise me up and 
send me forth to do it. If he has not, I do not wish 
to live. I have ever felt that I was utterly unwor- 
thy to preach the glorious gospel. I know, I feel, 
that God loves his cause infinitely more than I do, 
and he knows what will best advance its interests. 
And let us rejoice that all power is in his hands, and 
that he will put in requisition the best means for 
carrying on his purposes of love and mercy. He will 
raise up some other instrument that will do more 
than I should have done, and I do not wish to have 
it otherwise. I desire to lie in the hands of my 
heavenly Parent, like an infant in the hands of its 
mother. I have no will of my own. Let thy will, 
God, be done, and I am more than satisfied, I re- 
joice in it. When I look back upon the way in 
which I have been led, I am filled with wonder, love, 
and praise. I have tried to acknowledge God in all 



THE CLOSING SCENE. 161 

ray ways, and he has indeed directed me in a way 
that I knew not. I came here a stranger, and knew 
not how I was to be provided for. He has raised 
me np friends and provided for all my wants. ' Sure- 
ly there is no want to them that fear him.' 

" I begged him to stop talking, and rest, as I feared 
that he would exhaust himself. "With one of his 
sweet smiles, he looked me in the face and said, ' Do 
not say I must stop, for if you say so, I shall have to 
obey. But I feel no inclination to sleep, and I wish 
to say what I have to say, while I have strength : 
soon it will be too late. And now, will you hear 
what I wish to say about my worldly business ; and 

will your dear husband and my dear Mr. L- see 

that my wishes are attended to?' I assured him 
that they should be cared for. 

" After giving his directions concerning them, he 
said, ' Now sit close here, and let me tell you what I 
want you to say to my dear, dear parents. 0, how 
I do hope my life may hold out till they come. Will 
you pray, that if it is God's will, I may see them be- 
fore I die. If I am gone before they get here, tell 
them how I love them, and that all I am troubled 
about on my death-bed respecting them is, that they 
are not the friends of my Saviour. None but God 
knows how I have desired their conversion. I feel 
that I have done all that I could do, and now must 
leave them with God. 0, tell them my dying re- 
Mem. Porter. 1 1 



162 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

quest is, that they would prepare to meet me in heav- 
en. Oh, I cannot bear to think of their being lost. 
Could I feel that my father's family were the sincere 
followers of Jesus, how happy should I be.' After 
resting a few minutes, he said, ' Tell my dear mother 
how I wanted to see her. Tell her, that I believe 
God is going to take me to himself, and make my death 
the means of converting some or all of the dear family 
at home. I have often thought it would be easy to 
die, if it might lead them to repentance. I always 
loved my kindred, but never half so much as now.' 

" The next morning he told me that he had got 
above that exceeding anxiety to see his parents. * I 
can now rejoice,' said he, 'to leave that and every 
other care with my Saviour. If it is his will, I shall 
be glad to see them ; if not, I can rejoice in that too, 
for I know he careth for me. All my cares I cast 
on him. I lean on his arm, I recline on his bosom. 
the inexpressible sweetness of Jesus' love. It is 
true, it is more than true, that 

"Jesus can make a dying bed 
Feel soft as downy pillows are." 

They tell us of the dark valley, but there is no dark- 
ness here. It is light and glorious. It seems as if light 
from the eternal throne streamed down and illumin- 
ated the whole scene around me. Every body and 
every thing seems lovely. how I love you all ! Did 
any poor unworthy creature ever have such friends?' 



THE CLOSING SCENE. 163 

" After a fainting turn, when I applied some re- 
storative, he said, ' I thought I was gone, but here I 
am still with you. How is it you know what I 
want without my having to tell you ? But thus it 
has ever been that my Saviour has supplied all my 

need. Give my best love to J . Tell her how 

much I thank her for all she has done for me. Tell 
her my Saviour will reward her, and though I do 
not live to do good, God will not let her lose her 
reward for all she has done from love to his cause. 
Tell her not to be discouraged nor tire in her labors 
of love, for in due season she shall reap a rich har- 
vest, if she faint not.' 

" At this time the Rev. Mr. Ludlow came in. ' I 
am glad to see you, brother Ludlow,' said he. ' I feel 
as if I had got almost home.' Said Mr. Ludlow, ' I 
cannot feel yet, as if you had done with earth. I think 
God will raise you up, and permit you to do much 
for him here before you will rest from your labors.' 
1 It is not impossible,' said he, ' I know, but I do not 
think it probable. One thing I know, it will be as 
I wish it to be, just as my heavenly Father pleases.' 
1 Brother Porter,' said Mr. Ludlow, ' it is sweet, is it 
not, to lean on the Saviour and commune with him V 
1 Indeed, it is,' replied our friend, with a most de- 
lightful expression of countenance ; ' and if such the 
stream, what will the Fountain be, when I shall 
see him as he is, face to face, and serve him without 



164 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

weariness and without sin ? when shall I awake 
in his likeness, and be satisfied?' 

" He inquired after two young friends, members of 
college, who were absent from the city, and expressed 
a strong desire to see them. ' Remember me most 
affectionately to them. I have ever loved them 
dearly. Tell them to live for God entirely, to give 
themselves wholly to preparation for his service. I 
hope they will do much to advance the cause of holi- 
ness in the world. I do hope they will both preach 
the glorious gospel. Tell them to be careful for 
nothing in this world. If they will do the will of 
God, he will take care of them. Let them never be 
ashamed of Christ, but dare to be devoted, decided 
Christians in college and everywhere. I wish I had 
been more faithful to them than I have been. I hope, 
however, to meet them in heaven, where there is no 

separation for ever. be faithful to your little E . 

Tell her I want her to be a Christian. Train her 
for God and for heaven. I hope she will be a mis- 
sionary yet. 5 

"At another time he spoke of the many favors he 
had received during his college course, and the many 
friends who had been raised up for him. *0 help 
me,' he said, l to thank them, and help me to praise 
God for them. " Surely goodness and mercy have 
followed me all the days of my life." How wonder- 
ful, that one so unworthy should have received such 



THE CLOSING SCENE. 165 

signal mercies as I have/ To one who inquired if 
his soul was in peace, he said, ' Ah, yes, more than 
that, " I rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of 
glory." I would not exchange situations with any 
of you. 0, the condescension, the wonderful love of 
Jesus. I want you to sing his praise. I have often 
heard of Christians telling of the sweet comforts giv- 
en them upon a dying bed ; but I never could have 
believed them so sweet. I have enjoyed more while 
on this bed, than in all my life before. I am full of 
happiness to overflowing. I seem to have done with 
prayer, and to have nothing to do but praise.' 

" I could fill many sheets with his expressions of 
love, joy, and praise. But they were thrown out in 
connection with things too personal to repeat, with* 
out violating the sacred confidence of private friend- 
ship. It was altogether one of the most interesting 
scenes I ever witnessed. In short, it was just such a 
death as might have been expected after such a life. 

" From the first of my acquaintance with him, I 
was struck with his calm, simple, straightforward 
course. It was ever onward and upward. He dared 
to be a whole-hearted Christian. "Whatever others 
did, he determined to serve God with all his heart. 
He came among us, pursued his studies ardently, en- 
tered into our concerns, gained our love and confi- 
dence, and showed us that it is possible to fulfil all 
the duties of life with fidelity, and yet not to be of 



166 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

the world while in it. I think that all who knew 
Charles H. Porter needed no argument to convince 
them of the reality of religion. He was its ' living 
epistle, known and read of all men/ " 

The following obituary notice, supposed to have 
been written by Rev. Mr. Ludlow, supplies a few 
additional particulars. 

"Died at New Haven, on Sabbath evening, Sept. 
26, 1841, Mr. Charles H. Porter, a student in the 
Theological Seminary, and lately licensed to preach 
the gospel. To those acquainted with Mr. Porter, it 
will not be a matter of surprise that his dying hour 
was one of peculiar triumph. His piety was of no 
ordinary character. Through his college course it 
burned with unabated fervor, and amidst his studies 
he was the consistent Christian. Very great success 
in winning souls to Christ followed his labors, and 
very many, doubtless, will meet him at the judg- 
ment-day, who shall 'be his joy and the crown of 
his rejoicing.' 

" The writer of this communication was permitted 
to walk by his side through that part of * the valley 
of the shadow of death/ which lies upon the borders 
of the King's country, the land of Beulah, which is 
illuminated by the splendors of that city, of which 
the ' Lamb is the light.' 

" ' Brother Porter/ said I, ' do you think you are 



THE CLOSING SCENE. 167 

dying?' With much composure he replied, 'Judg- 
ing from my feelings, I should not think I was ; but 
my judgment tells me I am.' i Have you any pecu- 
liar views?' said I. 'No, Christ has always been 
sweet to me. You know I never had any confidence 
in death-bed repentance and high flights, when the 
life had been wicked ; but I cannot see why a per- 
son who has embraced the doctrines of Christianity, 
and tried humbly to live up to them, should not die 
peacefully. I have often heard of sweet death-beds, 
but I never knew it was so inexpressibly sweet. 
it is sweet to live, and it is sweet to die.' He then 
left messages for his brethren in the seminary, his 
mother, and several others. His friends were con- 
stantly administering to him, hoping to resuscitate 
his sinking frame. ' You are trying,' said he, 'to 
add a few more minutes to my life, but I would 

rather hear brother L ask me more questions 

and draw me out.' He expressed great pleasure in 
thus testifying for his Saviour. He then asked us to 
sing ; and upon being requested to tell us what, said, 

4 Jesus can make a dying bed 
Feel soft as downy pillows are. ? 

And with a clear voice united in singing the whole 
stanza. This is but part of the precious things he 
said, his face all the time radiant with an unearthly 
smile. All around him felt as if they understood 
what our Saviour meant, when he said, ' He that 



168 CHARLES H. PORTER. 

liveth and believeth in me shall never die' Not 
one fear disturbed his last moments. With triumph 
he exclaimed, ' death, where is thy sting ? grave, 
where is thy victory ? The sting of death is sin, and 
the strength of sin is the law ; but thanks be to God, 
who giveth me the victory through my Lord Jesus 
Christ.' His sun went down in a cloudless sky. 

1 Sweet is the scene where Christians die, 
Where holy souls retire to rest ; 
How mildly beams the closing eye, 
How gently heaves th' expiring breast.' " 

Since his death, a revival has taken place in Nor- 
wich ; two sisters of Mr. Porter are among the con- 
verts, and many others attribute their conversion to 
impressions originating with the news of his death. 
Thus, in this providence, God has spoken effectually 
to the hearts of some who knew him, and who, with- 
out it, might never have been brought to repentance. 

His body slumbers in the cemetery at New Haven, 
where a plain marble monument, erected by his fel- 
low-students in theology, bears, at his request, the 
inscription, " Prepahe to meet thy God." And it 
is hoped, that not only his gravestone will preach, 
as he wished it might do, this solemn admonition, 
but that his memoir also will be influential in bring- 
ing some of his former friends and acquaintance to 
renew their friendship with him in the presence of 
God in heaven. 






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